Enough
by alliedforces74
Summary: Commander Shepard fights for his survival following the destruction of the citadel. As he settles in for the peaceful family life with Liara, he'll begin another fight against an enemy he can't see. An enemy that has the power to finally end him once and for all. Needs serious re-editing. Will do once Legacy is complete
1. Chapter 1

_Open your eyes._ He screamed in pain, such total agony but he couldn't hear it. Silence. The smell of burning flesh and death all around him. _Open your eyes. _He was trying to will himself back to life. _Just open them. _He gasped for air. His ribs, shattered, his lungs burned. It felt like someone was standing on his chest and cutting it with a knife at the same time. _Now. _His eyes fluttered open, but he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Rubble and dust and shards of metal everywhere, his body tangled within. Feeling like pins and needles were all aver his body, he could only deduce that shrapnel had riddled his remains. Lying on his back he squinted to see that his left arm was trapped, and both his legs buried beneath the rubble. At least he hoped those were his legs, he couldn't feel them. His bare flesh almost fully exposed, covered in blood, metal, glass, and burns of various degrees. _I look as bad as I feel._

He struggled to remember what had happened that lead to this moment. Any clues to where he was or how he had gotten there. Earth? No. Couldn't be. It was too quiet. The only sounds he could hear were the crackle of fire and the soft gurgle he made whenever he took a breath. _Sucking chest wound? _ For once he missed the distinct crack a bullet made when it passed by his head. It meant other people. This silence meant death. _I need to get out of here._ He tried to get up and was forced back down by blinding pain from all sides. Looking down at his melted chest plate he could see an alarming amount of blood emanating from a bullet wound on his left between his 3rd and 4th now broken ribs. _At least I remember being shot._

He looked once more to his trapped arm and lifeless legs and decided he needed to be free. _Arm first, then I'll deal with the legs._ But how? He was trapped and pinned down, that was clear enough and his omni-tool was gone with the rest of his grieves. He tried to move his left hand but it was no use, it was crushed and the pain was too much. Trapped below his elbow he swallowed hard at the thought that his only option would be self-amputation. From the corner of his eye he could see sparks fly. _Electronics. Where the hell am I?_

He needed to get out; he needed his arm free. He had heard of other humans doing this kind of thing before when in desperate situations. His situation didn't get much more desperate than this. They always had a tourniquet though. Right now he had nothing that resembled anything like it. If he cut his arm with whatever tool he had yet to acquire, he would bleed out in minutes without something to stop the bleeding. He had to try. _I'm Commander John Shepard, God dammit! And I made a promise._

His thoughts drifted to Liara. She would be there when he got out. And if he didn't, she would be searching for his body and maybe find another way to bring him back to life. She wouldn't give up. He had to try.

He needed a plan. If he couldn't use a tourniquet he needed something else. Looking around his shattered body, he caught sight of a red-hot shard of metal beneath some flames only a few inches away from his free arm. _Cauterize. I could cauterize the wound. _Now all he had to do was think of a way to free his arm.

Something sharp enough to cut his arm in one shot. The pain would be blinding and he wouldn't have much time to cauterize. If he could get the resulting stump over to the hot metal before he passed out, he might have a chance. He would still need to be conscious enough to ensure the bleeding was stopped, and then free his legs, and then crawl to help, if there even was any to be had. He shrugged off the encroaching hopelessness and focused on his task. There were metal and glass all around him, and to his dismay and great peril, inside of him. All he had to do was find a big enough, sharp enough piece that he could trust to take his arm off as quickly as possible.

_There._ Just underneath his right arm, a jagged shard of metal just larger than his hand and about as thick as his finger was protruding. It was sharp enough to puncture his skin and jagged enough to let him saw through flesh and nerve…if he could stay conscious through it. Now all he had to do was break his arm just below the elbow. He placed the shard on his chest and grasped a large rock with his free hand. With one breath he used whatever strength and will he could muster and brought the rock down on his arm with as much force as he could generate. He heard the bones crack, his scream, a string of incomprehensible profanities, and felt the pain shooting up his arm while the rock fell to the side. _Please God, let that be good enough._

He could feel fluid rushing to his broken bones and was confident that the task had been complete. He had shattered his own arm. _Now the hard part. _He clinched the metal shard and hovered it 2 inches below his elbow where his shattered bones lay under muscle, nerve, and some sort of Cerberus technology he was even less eager to see. A mix of desperation and determination in his eyes as he said a silent prayer to whatever Gods would listen.

He raised the shard as high as he could, took a deep breath, and with that he plunged the shard into his scorched and broken skin as hard as he could. He screamed louder than he'd ever thought possible and watched as the blood seeped through the wound. Gasping for air, the feelings of his burning lungs and broken ribs were a distant memory as he sawed through his own flesh, struggling to stay conscious through the blinding pain. With every upward motion he gritted his teeth, clenched his jaw, and cried in agony and rage against his situation. Each downward cut a slight relief as he drew closer to his goal. His mind tried to escape, darkness closing in around his eyes but he forced himself to stay in the reality.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been at it but his efforts had been enough, he could see his arm starting to separate and instinctively began pulling away. Still sawing as much as he could, he could feel the world closing in around him and he knew he didn't have much time left. With one last tug, he pulled his arm away. His screams were deafening now. The pain was like lightning in his eyes. He was losing blood fast and without thinking he swung his arm towards the red-hot metal and forced his stump down. Hearing nothing but his own cries, feeling nothing but numbing pain and tears streaming down his face, the smell of his own flesh burning, he succumbed to the darkness that had been slowly enveloping him.


	2. Chapter 2

"_You're not leaving me behind_."

Like a jolt of lightning, energy pulsed through his body and he regained consciousness with a heaving breath. The singed flesh of his left stump looking up at him made his stomach churn. He could taste vomit in his mouth, and feel the dried tears on his face. He was alive. Though if he failed to get out and get help now, his blood loss would ensure he expired. _Arm done, now the legs. _

His legs were pinned beneath the rubble, but now that his upper body was free he was able to at least sit up and further assess the damage. The rocks were small enough for him to move away with his good hand. Pulling the last of the large rocks away he saw his legs exposed, quivering, and felt the vomit and bile in his stomach rise again.

Torn, battered, and totally exposed, his right leg had a large jagged slice of metal that had gone completely through his thigh, obviously missing his femoral artery, and he could see white flecks at his calves. Bone most likely. His left leg was quivering from the amount of exposed muscle that had been frayed. He looked further down and noticed that his ankle was barely held on by a thread, and his foot completely crushed.

"I guess I'll crawl then." His voice was low and almost a whisper and cracked when he spoke. Speaking was painful, but he wanted to hear anything other than the sound of his own screams and the deathly quiet all around him, if nothing more than to prove to himself he was still alive. His breaths were becoming shorter and more laboured with each passing minute, burning more and more as he continued to struggle for oxygen.

He looked around the darkness and saw a dim red light coming from a hallway in the distance. Maybe there would be someone there who could help, who had communications. Who could bring him back to Liara. He had to get back, he had to keep living. He had to see her face again. Touch her again. _I can get there._

Groaning in pain, he somehow he managed to flip himself onto his stomach. His ribs still caused him discomfort and it was getting more and more difficult to breath. He lifted his head toward the red light and saw a shadow. His heart jumped at the sight.

"Help me." Nothing responded to his weak and desperate plea.

He would have to find them. With his one good arm he began dragging his broken body across the rubble. Every inch felt like a mile, every second he spent moving felt like an eternity. He felt as if he was getting nowhere, the light seemed to be getting further away. His breathing ragged and shadows closing in around him, he rested his head on the rocks, and looked once more at the dim red light in the hall in from of him, intent on shutting his eyes for the final time. Then he saw her.

She walked towards him slowly and the light seemed to follow. He could make out the small, childlike figure before him. At the realization he recoiled with fear as he recalled the events that transpired earlier. He had shot the child in the control room. The glowing figure that had haunted his dreams and tried to force him to make a choice. He had known the thing was not the child he saw back on Earth. It was a Reaper in a form to calm him and trick him into making a choice for all sentient life that would only benefit the enemy. He had seen past the façade, and elected to destroy the thing itself. _I guess it didn't work._

"What do you want from me?" He managed to say, but it was weak, like a whisper.

The thing didn't respond, and only drew closer. As his eyes adjusted to the light he was filled with a sense of happiness, relief, and only a little fear. The child was asari. She has Shepard's brown eyes, and Liara's beautiful blue skin, and her freckles. This was his daughter. This was his goal. She looked at him with a fierce determination in her eyes but never spoke. Then she was gone.

With this image before him he once again began crawling towards the dim red light and the shadow that lay within. His daughter drove him forward towards the light. His future was possible; he had seen it. The red light was getting closer and closer until he found himself in the hallway. The smell of rotting flesh was familiar and upon seeing the piles of human bodies stacked within, he became fully aware of his location. The shadow had been that of a Keeper, those strange and silent creatures that kept the Citadel functioning for its true purpose: summoning the Reapers.

He used his last bits of strength to crawl up to the Keeper and grasp at its legs. Pleading for help, he tugged at the creatures 'arms.

"Help me." He was begging. "Please, I need help."

He was spent, and completely out of energy and will. He collapsed to the floor, and with his last ounce of consciousness he could feel he was being carried. Possibly to safety, possibly to one of the heaps of humans stacked in the room. He didn't know, but he still had hope.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: If you've seen the Sopranos, you'll probably recognize my blatant rip-off. I just love the symbolism is all. **

**Please comment, I would love some feedback!**

"I'll have another, please."

He sat in an unfamiliar bar in an unfamiliar place as the bar tender approached to refill his drink.

"Which conference are you here for? Quite a few in town this week." He asked as he poured.

"Market research. I'm in the advertising business. My company deals with bulk weaponry, armours, that sort of thing. Anyway, the front desk seemed to be a little crowded so I figured I'd wait out the line here."

"Let me know if you need anything else, sir." The slender bar keep walked to tend to another patron while he sat in comfort and silence and cherished the liquor in his hand.

Looking over at the lobby he noticed the line had dissipated and decided to check in. He reached for his travel case, opened it to retrieve his credit chit and panicked a little when he realized it wasn't his own.

"Excuse me," He called over to the bar tender, "there was a man sitting beside me earlier who must've had the same travel case, I think he mistook mine for his. Do you remember where he was going?"

"No, sorry," the bar tender replied. "Check the case, maybe there's an ID."

He shuffled through the contents of the case and eventually found an ID pad. "Luther Wesley. Quite a name, sounds like some sort of super villain," he sniggered to himself.

The bar tender came over to take a look. "Kind of looks like you. Maybe he's here for the conference too. I'd check with the front desk, maybe they have some info, and maybe he'll be at the conference. Who knows?"

"Yeah, good idea." He reached for the credit chit. "I guess there's no harm in paying my tab with his chit then. He must have used mine for the same purpose."

The bar tender just smiled. "No need for that, on the house."

"Thanks." His reply was sincere as he scooped up the case in his left hand and walked towards the front desk. A young girl no more than 24, her blond hair tied in a tight bun, and her uniform absolutely pristine was smiling at him as he approached. Freckles dotted her cheeks and she smiled at him with earnestness. He couldn't help but admire her attractiveness.

"Hi, I'm here for the conference and I need to check-in." He completely forgot to mention the travel case in his left hand.

"Yes of course sir, may I see your credit chit?" He paused for a moment in thought, then handed her the chit.

"Thank you Mr. Wesley. Please follow the hall to your left and take the first set of elevators. Your room is on the 32nd floor. If you need anything please do not hesitate to call us."

He smiled back at her and proceeded to the elevators. What had he done? He'd just committed fraud and never had a second thought. He pressed the button for the 32nd floor and grinned a little to himself. Once he was in the room he decided he would make an honest effort to track this guy down and find his own case. The conference started tomorrow and he needed his ID pad to gain access. For now, at least he had a place to stay.

Entering the room, he threw his suit case off to the side and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took out his omni-tool and said, "call home."

"Hey." The soothing, familiar voice on the other end of the transmitter answered.

"Hey. How are you?"

"I'm fine, just got the kids to sleep. How are you doing? You sound tired."

"Yeah it's late here and I've had a bit of a rough day. I lost my travel case. The conference is tomorrow and I have no idea how I'm going to get in. I have meetings scheduled for tomorrow and everything. Do you realize I can't even get on a transport without my ID? God damn finger printing." He sighed as he rested his head in his free hand, elbows on his knees.

"I got you that case for your birthday." A slight hint of annoyance was in her voice.

"Bigger issues at stake here, dear. What am I going to do? My whole life was in that case."

"Well maybe he hasn't realized he has your case. I'm sure he'll try to contact us when he does. You should try to do the same. And get some rest while you're at it." She paused, "I love you. Call me if you can't sleep."

He smiled at his wife's words, "I love you too. G'night." He ended the call and began sifting through the case. "No transmit ID. Great. Just great." He fell backwards onto his bed with a groan. Glancing over at the window he looked out at the peaceful night sky, and the city lights all around. In the distance he noticed a bright pulsing light shining just on the horizon, stinging his eyes each time it shone. Knowing that sleep was unlikely to come by itself, he decided to venture to the bar for some assistance.

The bar had become busier. Much busier, and he took a seat at the bar near the tender he had conversed with earlier.

"Any luck?" He asked.

"No. None. Guess I'm Luther Wesley tonight. Not sure I can deal with the name though."

Without asking, the bar tender poured him another drink and walked away.

A dark haired woman sat beside him and touched his arm. He flinched at the contact. "I like it," she said nonchalantly. She was wearing a business suit and he had to put her somewhere in her late 40s.

He laughed, and put the drink to his lips as he stared forward, "Thanks. I didn't catch your name, Miss…."

"I didn't give it," she smiled at him coyly. "So, what brings you to town?"

"Conference. I'm sure it's the same for you, and by the looks of it mostly everyone here," he said, somewhat irritated the woman refused to give him her name. He realized his bluntness and quickly tried to apologize. "Sorry, it's been a long day."

"I can relate to that," she said taking a sip of her drink. It was pale blue. "I'm 46 and I never thought I'd be here. This isn't exactly how I pictured my life." She laughed, and finished the drink in a gulp.

He had to respond with quiet laughter, surprised at the woman's openness to a complete stranger. "Yeah, me either. I'm 42 myself. Family, kids, steady job. But what does it mean? Who am I? Where am I going?" He surprised himself at his reply. _Where the hell did that come from? _

His attention was suddenly drawn to the large window across the bar. The pulsing light had become steady, and was burning his brain. He squinted at it, unable to see, unable to hear…unable to breath…

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

His body was shaking wildly as his eyes struggled to open. Choking and gagging he reached for the tubes in his mouth and started to violently pull them out. Doctors were swarming as Liara looked on with distress, frozen with fear.

"Give him the sedative!", Chakwas yelled at no one in particular. "Start prepping him for the OR, we need to get his heart rate down."

Garrus approached Liara from behind and put his hands on her shoulders in a vain attempt to comfort her. "He was just lying there a minute ago. He was fine." Her voice cracked with sadness and despair as she started to shake.

In her calmest, most firm tone possible, Dr. Chakwas looked the asari directly in her eyes and said, "You two should probably leave, getting these tubes back in isn't something you want to see."

A nurse began to close the curtains as Liara looked on, feeling more helpless than ever. Seeing him like this brought back memories of his body after the vacuum of space had taken its ultimate toll. But she had never had to endure his struggle to stay alive. She prayed he still had some fight left in him.

Shepard was trying to become aware of his surroundings and his eyes locked with Liara's for a brief moment as he started to gurgle, trying to speak.

She looked at him with desperation as she managed to say, "Stay with us, Shepard. You're going to be fine. You're going to be alright." Tears were welling in her eyes but she choked them back. She had to stay strong for him. Stay positive.

"Who…" He spoke, his words suffocated and quiet. "Who am I…" He sounded like he was drowning in his own words.

"Goddess..." She was crying now.

"Who am I…Where am I going…Who am I…Where am I going."

Liara was rushed out of the room by Garrus as the curtains drew shut, and the door to his room was sealed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Again, I ripped off the Sopranos but I hope you appreciate the spin. I will try to keep updating as the story keeps coming.**

**Please leave some feedback!**

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Liara approached the waiting room and saw the slumped figures straighten with her arrival.

"What's the word?" Joker asked, the stress in his eyes plainly visible.

"Not so good right now," Garrus replied, "they made us leave. His breathing tubes are out."

Kaiden approached, some ounce of hope still on his face. "That's a good thing though, right? Means he's breathing on his own?"

"They're putting the tubes back in." Liara said, starring at the floor. Sadness in her voice.

"He's a fighter, Liara." Garrus squeezed her arms in a sign of comfort. "Every time something tries to kill him he seems to get more pissed off. He'll come out of this alive…just out of spite for the Reapers."

Doctor Chakwas exited the room, and headed toward Liara. Breaking free of Garrus' hold she half ran towards her, waiting for the doctor to speak first.

"We're getting him to surgery. His body is rejecting some of the implanted organs we've given him and his infections aren't helping matters. We're doing everything we can, I promise you. We need to get his fever down and figure out how to get his body to accept the implants." She put her hand on Liara's shoulder. "I will not let him go without a fight, Liara. And I can tell he feels the same way. Stay positive. He could use the energy."

Liara nodded her head in agreement and looked the doctor in her eyes. "Does he know he's dying?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper full of sorrow.

Chakwas let out a deep breath. "I don't know." She slowly backed away, and walked down the hall where Shepard was being taken.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Listen, I'm on the list. I lost my ID last night and I have some very important meetings to get to today." He pleaded with the receptionist at the desk but she only gave him a slightly apologetic smile in return.

"I'm sorry, sir. It's a security issue, I can't let you in without your pass."

He sighed in defeat. He had known this was the likely outcome but it didn't make it any easier to handle. He walked over to the window of the conference center. The sun was out now and it lit up the pale blue sky wonderfully. He took out his omni-tool and called home.

"Hey babe, were you able to get in?"

"No." He rubbed his eyes as he tried to suppress the anger in his voice. "This trip is turning into a nightmare. Did Wesley call you?"

"No," she replied, "I would have called you right away if he had. Did you find out anything about him?"

"No transmit ID, and an address in a completely different system. His company has an outpost here though; I'm waiting for them to call me back. Maybe they'll have some info. I don't know." He sat down on the window ledge and closed his eyes. "Right now, I just want to come home."

"You will. You always find a way." Her tone was calm and reassuring. It made him feel a little more confident and a little less stressed.

"I better get back to the hotel and wait for his company to call. Talk to you later." He smiled and disconnected he communication before she could respond. Her voice only made him miss her more. He stood and made his way to the elevators.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey! Someone get in here!" Garrus was shouting at the top of his lungs. A nurse rushed in and immediately ran toward Shepard, who was now shaking violently. Liara quickly followed behind.

"He's code blue. Get the defib, now!" Chakwas quickly strode in with a team of nurses and was shouting commands.

Liara was at a loss. _Why does this keep happening? Why must he always fight, and why must I always stand helplessly to the side? _She looked at Garrus who was clearly distressed at seeing his friend and comrade in such a state. They were like brothers.

"What happened?"

"I don't know! I was just talking to him and the machines started going haywire."

"Clear!" Chakwas was attempting to restart the commander's new heart with a jolt of electicity. It didn't seem to be working. "Raise the level and for God's sake will someone please get me an damn reading on his vitals." She sent a shot of energy through him again as his loved ones looked on powerlessly.

Garrus held her close as he felt Liara starting to shake, and started to speak a traditional Turian prayer in an effort to console Liara, and comfort himself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lightning flashed in the night sky as he approached the house. When the company had called, they were more than willing to give the location of Luther Wesley to him. He was staying at some sort of country club, but it looked more like an estate. It was secluded, but vibrantly stood out of the silent night as it was covered in twinkling lights. Music was playing in the background, a classical tune he was struggling to recognize. The windows held the shadows of multiple people, their voices muffled by the sturdy walls of the old home. There must have been some sort of party going on.

As he approached the drive up, the travel case gripped tightly in his left hand, he walked up to a young man in a tuxedo. He was holding a clipboard and had the same dark hair and brown eyes as his own. He couldn't have been any older than 18.

"Excuse me," He asked the young man, "is this the Wesley reunion?"

The young man's face lit up with a smile. "Hello there. They're waiting for you." He moved his arm in the direction of the open door. The shadow of a woman stood there, motionless.

"Me?" He asked, a little confused. He shook off the look bewilderment and proceeded. "Had Luther Wesley arrived?"

The young man's face turned into a frown. "We don't talk like that here. Please, your family's inside waiting for you." He gestured toward the door once more as he began ushering him forward.

He stopped and turned towards the young man, "What family?" Some uncertainty and impatience in his tone.

"They're here to welcome you." The young man reassured.

"I don't understand."

"You're going home."

"I am?"

He looked towards the door, and listened to the sound of laughter coming from within. He took a few more steps and the figure of the woman turned and walked inside before he could get a look at her face. She was wearing an old dress that covered her entire body, and an apron was tied in the back. He looked again at the young man in the tuxedo.

"Everyone's in there."

He smiled, and started again towards the door. The young man grabbed at his left hand, which was still gripping the brief case tightly. "You can't bring business in there," his tone was firm, but still friendly.

The wind had started to rustle the trees and he could swear someone was calling him.

His attention divided between the young man and the trees he did his best to respond, "I uh…I lost my real brief case," he laughed nervously, "my whole life was in there."

"_Don't go, daddy." _

Now he was sure he'd heard a voice, a child's voice, in the trees. They continued to rustle in the wind and he looked at the young man, who was now sort of glaring at him.

"What is that?"

"Travel cases aren't allowed." His tone friendly still.

"No, the voice."

"Please, let me take that from you." The young man gripped the briefcase and pulled it towards him. Shepard tightened his grip in return.

"I don't want to."

The young man gave another gentle pull. "Well you need to, you need to let go."

_"We love you, daddy. Don't leave us."_

"For some reason, I'm scared."

"You don't need to be afraid. You can let it go." He smiled again, his eyes comforting and inviting. "Just come say hello."

Shepard pulled the case closer to him as he stared into the doorway, a look of total serenity on his face.

"I…"

He was cut off by another flash of lightning, and the white light he had seen on the horizon was making its way through the door. He squinted again, trying to look through it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Please don't leave us, Shepard. We love you."

Liara's voice was full of pain as she pleaded with the human to stay alive. Tears fell from her face as she grasped at his hand. The flat line indicating his heart rate was excruciatingly amplified by the steady tone of the monitor. He had stopped breathing, his heart had stopped beating, and she felt familiar memories rushing toward her as she once again experienced the death of her bondmate. She starred at him with an intensity so strong she hoped it would will him back to life. Her eyes never leaving his own.

The doctor sent another jolt of electricity through his body.

The machine beeped.

"Shepard?" A hint of desperation and hope in her voice.

His eyes began to flutter, intent on resisting his efforts to open them.

"His eyes are opening." Garrus was standing behind Liara, still clutching at her arms, ready to catch her in the event she fell.

The machine picked up again, a slow steady beeping indicating his heart had started to work once more.

A smile rushed to Liara's face and her mouth quivered as fresh tears started to form. Tears of happiness, this time. "Shepard, look at me! Right here!"

Both his eyes were open, but only slightly, and a weary gaze met her own.

"Pulse and pressure are good, rhythm is steady. Very good." Chakwas said with a grin as she looked towards Liara, who was now crying and laughing in Garrus' arms.

Garrus starred at him with a smile on his face and his mandibles twitched. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was trying to think of something to say to capture the moment, but he was speechless.

"Son of a bitch did it again…"


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard sat inclined on his hospital bed as Liara slowly fed him ice chips. The cool sensation felt good in his mouth and the water that resulted made his throat feel somewhat better. Stitches, bruises, and healing burns made his face nearly unrecognizable. His five-o-clock shadow had been allowed to grow and now extended to his neck, and his short military buzzcut had grown a little longer. His strong jaw and piercing brown eyes held the same intensity they always had and he looked at Liara with a sense of calm and relief he hadn't ever before experienced.

It still hurt to swallow. It felt as if there was a fist stuck inside his throat rendering him unable to speak or eat solids until the swelling his breathing tubes had caused went down. He was weak, but alive and fully aware of his surroundings. He never took his eyes off Liara, for fear she wasn't real. That none of this was real.

He tried to grasp Liara's hand in his own, but wasn't able to lift it off the bed, the best he could do was lift a few fingers. Noticing the attempt at contact, Liara placed the ice chips on the table and held his hand tightly as she gently stroked his head, savouring the feeling of his short, soft hair.

He parted his lips and let out a faint grunt, and winced at the pain that came forth instead of his words.

"Rest, Shepard." She said, squeezing his hand a little tighter and resting her hand on his forehead. He felt warm, and clammy, but his fever was down.

He looked over to his left and exhaled deeply at this sight of his bandaged stump that had apparently crept upward. His arm hand been completely removed just below his shoulder.

Sensing Shepard's anxiety and noticing his heart rate quicken, Liara quickly decided it was time she explained the extent of his injuries, and gently tilted his head back towards her eyes. "When they found you, no one was really sure how long you had been in such a…horrid state." She swallowed hard and continued, "You were very badly burned, and your arm was severely infected so they had to remove it completely." Moving her left hand to his cheek, she squeezed his hand with her right and caressed his knuckles with her thumb. "They also had to take both your legs below your knees. The infections in your wounds were poisoning you and were threatening your life."

A warm smile spread across her face as Shepard continued to stare into her eyes with the hope the next words out of her mouth were going to be some good news. "But your body is healing. You have a new heart, lung, liver and gal bladder, not to mention a completely reconstructed rib cage. There are more but I'll let Dr. Chakwas fill you in on the details. She is confident that once you are stable, we will be able to fit you with prosthetic limbs with little difficulty." She tried to laugh a little, "You'll be just like new."

He breathed out with a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. He was out of the woods for now, but healing would take time and patience, and a little grit. Opening his eyes he looked into Liara's deep blue gaze and tried to speak once more. Before he could try to push out whatever sounds would escape, Liara stood, still holding his hand tightly and bent down to place a delicate, barely touchable kiss. As her soft lips met with the swollen, cracked edges of his mouth, he let out a soft groan, and she smiled.

She sat back down, hand still in hers, and Shepard managed to thank her with just a look.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wiggle your toes for me, Commander."

Dr. Chakwas stood at the end of his bed, her arms crossed, staring intently at his toes. Shepard concentrated hard, glaring at the shiny metal bits that were now, apparently, considered his toes. They moved at his internal request and he reacted with a wide grin.

"Very good, Commander, we'll have you out of bed and walking again in no time at all. Now, raise your left hand towards the ceiling."

He looked over to his new arm. It reflected the daylight as he slowly raised it up, his fingers spread and stretched. He couldn't help but admire the craftsmanship of his prosthetics. They had proportioned them just right, their weight felt natural, and the nerve implants allowed him to feel all the sensations a human was capable of. They just made him look synthetic. He slowly lowered his arm back down, and as per the doctor's request grabbed the cup of water placed on the table. Raising it to his mouth, he was surprised with a splash in the face as his hand swiftly crushed the cup.

"Son of a…."

Chakwas chuckled, "It's alright, Commander. The strength will take some getting used to, but once you're able to control your neural impulses you'll be fine."

He wiped the water off his face and smiled at the doctor. "Thanks, doc. But uh…when do you think I'll be ready for some skin?"

"Once we're sure your new limbs are fully functioning and integrated, we'll get to work on coating it with skin. Besides some of your scars, you'll be mostly brand new."

"So they keep telling me", and they weren't wrong. The majority of his internal organs had been replaced, his broken bones replaced with a titanium alloy with a diamond infusion. His new bones were virtually indestructible. With the news of his discovery on the citadel, multiple species donated top-secret knowledge and research findings.

The Krogan, who considered Shepard a warlord for curing the Genophage had been instrumental in his reconstruction. Using their own genetic material, they had developed a method of regenerating tissue, which allowed Shepard's natural muscles to slowly regenerate on their own. He was a scientific marvel, and the true embodiment of the ability for synthetic and organic life to cooperate.

Chakwas finished recording on her data-chart and started toward the door. "I'll be back to check on you in a while. In the meantime, I believe Garrus has been waiting patiently to see you."

As Chakwas left, Garrus strode in and pulled up a chair to the side of Shepard's bed.

"Well, if it isn't the king of the bottle shooters." Shepard smiled.

"Good day, Scarface."

"Yeah, well, the ladies were giving me too much trouble. Eating up too much of my time, and I had a war to win. Figured I'd give you a leg up so you could stop 'calibrating' all by yourself for a change."

His mandibles twitched, "Well played." He rested his foot on his knee as he sat down and crossed his arms.

"Thought you'd be back at Palavin by now." Shepard said with a hint of concern.

"I would be, but your girlfriend insists on a friendly face staying with you at all times. Says it keeps you 'positive'. Anyway someone needs to be here so she'll eat every once and a while. She's afraid to leave your side."

"I noticed. Not that I don't appreciate it. Seeing everyone has made it easier." He smiled. "But I know you're aching to get back to Palavin, and I don't blame you. Civilization isn't going to rebuild itself. Get out of here, I'm going to be fine." He said sincerely.

"I know, and I will," Garrus reassured, "but only after I make sure you're ready for a re-match, and your liver is ready to take a good hard beating."

Shepard laughed, "Yeah, I suppose I'm going to have to break it in."


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm really enjoying writing this and I hope you feel the same about reading it! Please review!**

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"Not today, Liara."

Shepard sat on the end of his bed staring at his silver toes hovering above the floor, his legs dangling over the side.

"Yes today. You need to do this so they can start coating them with skin." Her tone was firm, and he felt like he was instantly transported back to his childhood, his mother pushing him out the door for his first day of school.

He let out a loud sigh to voice his discontent. There was no use arguing with her. If she wanted him to walk, he would walk.

"Do I get a treat if I get to the other side?" The question was dripping with sarcasm.

"You are behaving like a child."

"You're treating me like one."

He was upset with the way he was acting but he had trouble stifling his words. It wasn't her he was angry with; it was himself. Commander Shepard: Savior of the Citadel, Galactic War Hero, Destructor of the Reaper threat, was afraid of falling as he took his first steps with his new legs. He felt degraded, weak, and useless. And more than anything he hated being seen this way by Liara. He had always been strong for her. Always put on a brave face when really inside he was terrified. She was seeing him at his worst.

She walked over to him and took his hands in her own. His right hand warm and worn bore the scars of the many battles he had fought. His left hand was cold to the touch but as his fingers started to stroke the tops of her own she knew they were his.

"It is okay to be vulnerable once and a while, Shepard. It's just me."

"I know." He grabbed her waist and pulled her into a tight embrace. His head resting in the crook of her neck as he took in her scent.

She squeezed him tightly before she pulled back and looked into his eyes as her hands glided along his arms and once again took up his hands, "Come for a walk with me?"

He forced a smile and slowly descended from the bed, his feet making contact with the floor. He felt the cool smooth tiles under his feet, and attempted to balance his weight. Liara had adjusted her position and was now standing beside him, her arm hooked around his waist as he used her shoulders for support.

"The floor is cold."

"Would you like some slippers?"

"No. I like it. Feels human."

She smiled and planted a soft kiss on his mouth, her tongue lightly brushing against his lips.

"Now, walk to the end of the hall with me and you get another" She purred.

"What do I get if I can do it without any help?"

She laughed as they began to walk towards his door, "I'm not sure if you are ready for that just yet."

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Shepard sat up on his bed, his legs outstretched above the sheets as he held his left arm up to the light above his bed, studying it with an intense curiosity. They had matched his skin tone perfectly, even adding minor imperfections in the form of sparse freckles. The hair on his left arm was indistinguishable from his right, and he could even see the synthetic muscles move under the skin as he flexed. The skin had made his hand feel warmer, but without the flow of his true blood it would always be a few degrees cooler than his right. The one discernable difference between his arms was his scars. His right was scratched and worn, a long jagged scar running from his tricep to his elbow. His fingers and hand, well used, were marked in several ways on the top of his hand, and his pinky finger that could never fully stretch told the story of a 14 year old John Shepard who nearly cut his finger off while using a saw on Mindoir. He liked his scars. They reminded him he was real. His left arm was unblemished and soft to the touch. His hand was without callous. His fingers never broken.

"It's just too…pretty." He complained to Liara who was sitting by the window reading a data pad.

She replied without looking up, "It looks fine, Shepard."

"Just fine?"

She looked up at him and placed the data pad on the window ledge. "It looks like your own hand and for that, I love it."

He smiled as he moved to the right side of the bed, tapping his left on the space he had vacated. "Come and sit with me."

She obliged and slid beside him gently placing her head on his shoulder, her arm draped over his stomach, his arm wrapped around her in return. She was careful not to allow her full weight on him. His wounds were healing but his bruised body was still tender. His right hand grabbed her left as he brought it to his chest and rested it on his heart, kissing her forehead.

"You don't need to be so delicate with me anymore. I'm fine." He said in a low, calm voice.

"I know. I just don't want to hurt you."

He had been conscious for nearly four weeks and while they had talked, they were both apprehensive to bringing up the larger issues at stake for both of them. The war was over, but there was so much that was left unsaid. What were their roles now that the war was over? Did the Alliance want him to keep the peace he had created? Did Liara want to remain the Shadow Broker? What about their relationship? Shepard had expressed his desire to spend his life with her, and she had reciprocated his feelings then, but did she still feel the same way? Would she want children with him? He remembered the image of his daughter in the ruins of the Citadel control room but he never brought it up when he told her how he had escaped. He wasn't sure how she'd react, and he didn't want to drive her away. He loved her, but he was afraid to leap.

"You could never do that," he replied with earnestness, "I would never have gotten through this without you. Any of it."

She closed her eyes and smiled, "Flatterer."

For a few moments they were silent, basking in the warmth their bodies created together, savouring the touch of each other's skin. Shepard's hand around her waist had lifted up the hem of her shirt ever so slightly as he brushed the tips of his new fingers against her skin.

His thoughts were getting the better of him as he tried to think of a way to bring up the subject of their future together. Sensing his heart rate quicken Liara opened her eyes and looked at him with concern.

"What is wrong?"

Shepard let out a deep breath and decided this was his window and it was time to jump through it. "When I was on the Citadel, just after I had freed myself and started crawling to find help, there was a moment where I had given up. Everything was closing in and I didn't think there was anything left. But then I saw…" his voice started to crack and there were tears starting to form in his eyes. He let go of her hand and brought it to his face, covering his eyes.

Liara brought his hand down and squeezed it tightly as she looked with worry into the watery eyes that refused to meet her own. She had never really seen him this upset. "Shepard, I love you. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

He took another deep breath and looked into her eyes, "I saw…I saw our daughter." He closed his eyes again trying to hold back the tears, trying not to gauge her reaction. "She kept me going. She gave me a purpose. She never said anything but she gave me this look like she was telling me 'you better make it through this'. Maybe it doesn't mean anything but I'll never forget that for as long as I…" He was cut off by Liara's mouth as she engaged in a soft deep kiss. He could feel the tears fall from her cheeks onto his own.

She pulled away from the kiss and smiled, half from joy and half from the look of surprise still on Shepard's face. "What did she look like?"

Shepard let out a quiet relieved laughter and turned on his side to face her. "She looked a lot like you, only smaller. Had my eyes though. She was so real, Liara."

She turned to face him, her hand still on his cheek stroking his scruffy face with her thumb. "Do you want to make her real, Shepard?"

"Liara, I just want you. I told you before that no matter happens, I want to spend my life with you and I still mean it. And if that means having children then I am there. But you're so young for your species and I don't want to put any pressure on you." He drew her closer. "I won't lie to you, I want a future for us. I want a family with you. But it doesn't matter how many members our family has, the only one I really need to be there is you."

Fresh tears started to flow down her cheeks and she wiped the with her hands with a sniffle while he stroked her back. "I want that too, Shepard. And it means everything to me to hear you say those things. We still have a lot to talk about, but I want to see those 'little blue children' as well." She kissed him softly and smiled as she rested her head on the pillow.

"Well, at least now we've got some pretty good stories to tell them."

She laughed and nuzzled herself against his chest. "I guess we do."


	7. Chapter 7

**Next chapter will justify the M rating I think. First time writing this sort of thing so it might take a while to get it right. Hope you're all enjoying so far and please continue to review!**

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It was good to be out of the hospital and breathing the unscented, filtered air of the Citadel Presidium. He had been released from the hospital a few days prior and despite Liara's insistence, he was determined to meet with the Council and Admiral Hackett in person. Hackett had suggested meeting at the small apartment the Alliance had provided he and Liara, but Shepard was anxious to be walking around. He also had some personal business to conduct prior to his meeting.

Liara had been keeping busy trying to coordinate resources through her network to assist the various systems that were trying to rebuild. Promising Shepard she wouldn't over work herself like she had during the war, she was relying more and more on Feron. Shepard only hoped she was considering relinquishing her title to him as well.

The Citadel was still recovering from the Cerberus attack, and had recently been flooded with refugees from Earth. The blast the crucible caused seemed to damage only the prestigious Citadel tower where the council traditionally held their meetings. Attempts had been made to locate the control room where Shepard had activated the Crucible, but they had found nothing, and Shepard had no recollection of how he had gotten to his final resting place. They had found his body after C-Sec received a station wide distress call from the tower and were genuinely shocked to find the shattered corpse in the middle of the empty tower still had a pulse.

He tried to shake his thoughts aside and focus on his first meeting. He walked over to the familiar face and sat beside her on the bench.

"Good to see you, Shepard. Didn't think your ass would make it out of that one, did you?"

He laughed, "No Aethyta, I really didn't. They say it's the third time that's the charm though."

She crossed her legs an placed her hands in her lap. "So what's this all about? I'm sure you've got more pressing issues to deal with."

Shepard sighed, "No not really. This is kind of awkward actually. I need your advice."

Aethyta snickered, "_My _advice? Shepard, you united a galaxy full of xenophobic assholes, destroyed the greatest threat to all known life, and cheated death for a second damn time. What in the name of possible hell could you want my advice on?"

Shepard struggled to find the right way to approach the situation, "Well then don't think of it as advice, more like permission."

Aethyta was now visibly annoyed, "I hate this human verbal bullshit, just tell me what the hell is going on."

He couldn't help but laugh at her impatience. "Matriarch Aethyta, I'd like your permission to marry your daughter."

Aethyta was taken aback by his simple request. "You…you don't need my permission for that."

Shepard just smiled. "But I want it. If it helps you don't have to think of it as permission…more like your blessing."

"Well which is it, Shepard? Advice, permission, or a blessing? Make up your damn mind!" Her voice was strained.

"All three. I want you to be a part of our lives, our daughter's lives."

Aethyta's expression softened at his words. "Your daughter's? Is she…"

"No. We wanted to wait until things had settled down, there's still a lot of work to do."

"I…Where would you live?"

"Thessia."

"Home. It's still such a mess though."

"It won't always be. And it's important to me that Liara be close to her home and her people. Our daughter or…daughters need to be exposed to their culture."

Aethyta was still trying to process everything and looked at Shepard with surprising concern. "What about you? Your home?"

He looked at her with intensity, "My home is Liara."

"What about your duties with the Alliance and the Spectors?"

"I'm meeting with the council today. They'll be made aware of my plans and they will work around me. Trust me on that."

"And I would be a part of your lives? You actually want that?"

Shepard smiled, "Of course. Family is more important now than ever before."

She took a breath, still trying to take in the situation and looked him in the eye. "Shepard, I would be honoured if you married my daughter."

His face lit up with a wide grin and he shook her hand with enthusiasm. "Thank you for your blessing and permission. Now I need your advice."

"Okay…" she eyed him with suspicion.

He took out a small ring box and opened it to reveal a small diamond set on a platinum band. He stared down at it, and traced the box with his thumb. "I know it's not much, and it's not very valuable, but I wanted to propose to her with this." He handed the ring over to Aethyta to examine. "It was my mother's. Before she died in my arms she took this ring off and told me to take care of it for her. I've had it in a safe box ever since. Never thought I'd ever need it." He laughed and looked at Aethyta. "Liara changed that for me."

"I don't know much about this crap but knowing her, she'll love it. You do know that Asari traditionally exchange bracelets right?"

"Yeah, I know. They say you need a matriarch to assist you with the purchase of one of those." He looked at her with a smile.

"Well I guess I might be able to help you out with that one. Made a few bond bracelets in my time. But I suggest giving her the ring first." She handed him the ring and he placed it back in the box. "Now, let's go spend some of your hard earned credits, Commander."

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The meeting had gone better than Shepard expected. The council formally apologized for underplaying the Reaper threat, the Batarian Hegemony, despite losing over 300,000 colonists by Shepard's hands had dropped their charges in favour of a seat on the council, among the other races that had fought the Reaper war. And Admiral Hackett had accepted Shepard playing a minimal role with the Alliance after promoting him to Admiral and officially grounding him to a desk job on Thessia. He would still need to make public appearances and ensure the peace he had made would be kept, but he had expected that. Hackett was also pushing for a 'United Galactic Military' to be governed by the council and include all races. While all species were still encouraged to keep their separate militaries for domestic reasons, a galactic force would ensure that any future threats to the galaxy as a whole could be dealt with quickly and without having to mobilize separate forces in distant systems.

The galaxy was about to undergo a period of unification and enter an era of peace once the rebuilding was complete. And he couldn't wait. He smiled to himself as he and Liara walked hand in hand through the commons. His left hand fiddled with the ring box in his pocket as he patiently waited for his moment.

They had talked about marriage before, and as they sat at dinner exchanging their stories of the day Liara had revealed she would be taking a back seat role in the shadow broker network, officially handing the dangerous duties over to Feron. She would still need to be involved to some extent for a brief time while Feron adjusted to his new duties, but she was lessening her workload at least. She wanted to focus on the Protheans once more and continue her research concentrating on how they lived, rather than how they died. Everything was starting to fall into place for the first time in his life. He was getting what _he _wanted. He had finally done enough.

He had never really thought out a proposal before, having never met anyone he wanted to spend his life with until Liara. He was an expert tactician, a meticulous planner, and extremely flexible to adapting to changing situations. But he had practically killed himself trying to think of some romantic way to propose to Liara, to show her how he felt in the perfect way. Aethyta had been no help in the matter, though he appreciated her assistance in selecting a bracelet and translating the words "_I am Yours_" for the engraving. They had been her last words to him during the final push to the beam, and they sank in his gut at the realization he would probably never see her again. They had new meaning to him now.

As they stepped off the elevator and into their apartment, Shepard felt his heart rate accelerate and sweat form on his brow. He unlocked the door and said a silent prayer as he wiped the sweat from his face and they stepped into the living room. She let go of his hand and slowly walked to the center of the room.

The room had been completely dark save for the small orb that sat in the center of the floor projecting the starry night sky of Earth. She walked through the stars, letting the projections pass through her hands as she went.

"Goddess, Shepard. This is…this is beautiful."

He said nothing, and walked towards her with both hands in his pockets, a soft smile on his face. He stood behind her as she took in the sight. He had practiced his words but they seemed to be getting stuck in his throat, unable to remember the last time he was this nervous. He slid his arms around her waist as she turned to face him.

"When we were in London, you gave me a gift. One of your memories of peace and happiness, and I could never muster the words to thank you for it."

"Shepard…" She cupped his face in her hands. "You never had to."

"From the moment I met you I knew my life would change, but I don't think I appreciated how much. You made me a better person. You gave me a reason to fight. You give me a reason to live. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life." He dropped to one knee and took the ring box out of his hand and opened it. "Liara T'Soni, will you marry me?"

He was holding her left hand, and her right was covering her mouth as tears welled in her eyes. She dropped to her knees and without a word threw her arms around his neck and caught him in a deep, passionate kiss. Coming up for air, she reached for the box but he quickly pulled it away. She looked at him with confusion.

"You have to say yes first." He said in a soft voice.

She laughed, the tears still in her eyes, "Yes, Shepard. A thousand times, yes."

A wide grin rushed to his face as he took the ring out of its box and slid it on Liara's finger. "You and my mother have the same ring size. How perfect is that?"

"Your mother's?"

"Shepard family heirloom." He said with a wink.

She laughed again and embraced him tightly as they stood up. Sharing another passionate kiss Shepard looked her in her deep blue eyes.

"You sure about this? I'm basically indestructible you know. You can't just stick it out for a century until I die. I could live forever." He smiled.

She returned his playful glace and replied, "I have never been more sure of anything in my life."

And with that, he scooped her up into his strong arms, and carried her towards their bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

**Smut followed by fluff. This is my first time writing anything remotely like this so please be gentle. Please continue to review , I love constructive criticism and welcome suggestions. Once I get the little blue children Bioware owes me I'll be adding some conflict to keep your interests alive.**

**Once again, thanks for your views!**

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She felt light in his arms, in part due to his natural strength, and in larger part thanks to his prosthetic arm. He was finding it difficult to concentrate as she deftly planted kisses along his neck while he did his best not to let the weak feeling in his knees get the better of him. He was still smiling uncontrollably but somehow managed to clumsily kick of his shoes as he made his way towards their bed. Their bedroom was large enough to accommodate a small office space that was separated by three steps. It reminded him of his quarters aboard the Normandy and he was thankful for the familiarity. As Liara's soft, passionate kisses moved their way up to his lips, he closed his eyes and began feeling for the steps with his toes.

Liara's fingers moved through his hair as their mouths explored familiar territory. Shepard had always been amazed that no matter how many times they had been together, each simple touch, each tight embrace, and each soft kiss felt new and exciting. His desire for her contact could never be quenched, his need for their joining never fully slaked. Her very presence calmed him and he felt his heartbeat slow.

His eyes still closed he carefully descended the steps and reached the edge of their bed. Liara delicately slid out of his hold and wrapped her arms around his neck drawing him in for another deep loving kiss. His hands trailed up her back as the need for contact with her skin against his own became overwhelming. Sensing his desire and in an effort to satisfy her own, she slowly turned around in his arms and motioned for the clasp at the back of her dress. Shepard obliged and began slowly unzipping her silky lavender dress, exposing her heavenly blue skin.

She could feel his eyes on her back as he slowly pulled the zipper down past her hips. His fingertips lightly trailed down her back as she slid the dress off her shoulders letting it drop to a puddle on the floor. His hands slid around her waist and worked their way up her body, tenderly exploring every inch of her as they went. He moved in closer and the warmth of his body against hers persuaded her to lean against his chest as he cupped her breasts in his careful hands. His subtle touch sent shivers down her spine and she placed her hands on top of his, their fingers intertwining. Kissing her shoulder, he worked his way up her neck and she turned again to face him capturing his lips in her own.

She let go of their kiss and started to unbutton his shirt as Shepard caught her in his piercing gaze. As she worked her way down his shirt he leaned back and drank in the full sight of her naked form. He was in awe of her. Feeling his eyes observe every inch of her body was enough to make her blush and she felt grateful she could evoke such feelings of longing in her bondmate. She slid the collared shirt off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. His eyes were still locked on her as she began to trace the long linear scar in the center of his broad, strapping chest with the tip of her finger. Lowering her head, she placed a gentle kiss on the scar that marked where his heart had been replaced and listened to its quiet rhythm.

He cupped her face in his hands and returned her to an adoring kiss. His body and mind ached for her presence and he did his best not to let his excitement get the better of him. Her hands on his chest, she guided him backwards towards their bed and feeling the edge hit the back of his knees he sat down. Without missing a beat, Liara straddled his lap and their kisses became more fervent. She traced her fingers down his chest and felt him flinch at her touch. She smiled at his reaction and reached for his belt, skillfully pulling it free of his slacks. His hands moved up her body once again cupping her breasts as he kissed her chest. His touch forced her eyes closed as she arched her back and fumbled at the button of his pants, his fingers lightly brushing her nipples. She let out a breathy moan and tried to regain her footing.

Before he could make his to her neck with his mouth, she lightly pushed him onto his back and glimpsed at his toned, athletic body which made her ache for him even more. His body tensed as she removed his pants, throwing them to the floor.

Crawling on top of him, her hands gliding along his body, she tried to hold back the instinct to reach out for his mind. She yearned for the joining of their minds, and the feeling of his body pressed down on her own. His breathing had become ragged and he rolled Liara onto her back. Kissing her neck, his hands worked at the soft folds of skin behind her head. The sensations sent shivers down her spine as Shepard's hands calmly traveled down her body, stopping painfully close to her thighs. He hips were now grinding against his arousal as she unconsciously invited him in.

As their lips parted, she found herself locked in Shepard's deep brown eyes and she gave him a pleading look, begging him to continue. He caught her in a deep kiss as their tongues danced with vehemence and his hand made its way to the growing warmth between her legs. He began to stroke her entrance and she began to rock against him. The action did not satisfy her; in fact, it only made her want him more. He smoothly entered her with his finger and causing her head to fall back and her eyes to close. She could feel his warm breath against her as his lips lightly brushed against her throat. Recapturing her control she looked into his eyes, their faces only inches apart, their breathing equally rapid.

"I love you, Shepard." She said anxiously as he hovered over her. He kissed her firmly in response and let his weight slowly rest on top of her. She reveled in the feeling of their contact and held him tight. Reluctantly breaking the kiss, she could no longer hold herself back. As their eyes connected, she freed her mind and allowed herself to seek him out as they joined.

He welcomed her without resistance as their entire beings became one. Every memory shared, each touch experienced, every thought understood. Feeling his physical desire becoming painfully overcoming she let out a soft moan, and she guided him inside of her. She could hear him calling out her name and she felt her legs wrap tightly around his waist. It was becoming difficult to control the physical world and they let their bodies act on instinct.

_Stay with me. Here. Forever._

_I love you…_

_You mean everything to me._

Their thoughts were indistinguishable, and their hearts beat together and their need for one another continued to build. He was able to faintly hear Liara's cry of pleasure with each gentle thrust, and felt himself tightly seize her leg for support. Resting his head on Liara's he could feel her deep, quickened breaths on him as she gripped his neck closely.

_Don't leave me again._

_Never._

As they released, Liara slowly withdrew from his mind and Shepard rested his head on her shoulder. She could feel his smile against her skin and with a kiss on her cheek he rolled onto his back. Not ready to relinquish their contact Liara rested her head on his chest and wrapped arm around him, their legs intertwined.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to that." He said, panting.

"I don't think I want you to." She replied with a smile. Their hearts continued to beat as one as their joining lingered.

They lay there in silence for a while just enjoying the comfort their bodies provided one another as they waited for sleep to take them.

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He looked over at the clock and realized he'd been trying, and failing, to fall asleep for more than three hours. With a deep sigh, he slowly slid out from underneath the sleeping asari, a smile still across her face. He pulled on the boxers that had been thrown to the floor and made his way to the living room, still illuminated by the orb sitting in its center. He reached down and held it in his hand as the images slowly faded. Believing the projection of the stars would lull him to some much-needed sleep, he started back towards his bedroom.

He walked through the open door and saw Liara sitting upright against the headboard. He only smiled and slid in beside her. She grabbed his arm and placed it over her shoulders as she rested her head on his chest, listening to his slow, strong heartbeat.

"Can't sleep?" She asked, her voice a whisper.

"I could ask you the very same." He replied, playing with the orb in his hand.

"I never had the chance to ask you what that was." She closed her eyes and ran her fingers along the scars on his abdomen.

"It's a projection of the stars above Earth. When I was a kid, my mom used to use it to light up my room and tell me stories about the constellations. I think she felt bad that because we were colonists, I'd never get to see it for real." He placed the orb on the table beside him and waited for the images to surround them. He leaned back and let his head rest against the pillow as Liara shifted to view the stars above her.

"They're beautiful." She felt calm wash over her as she lay in Shepard's comforting embrace, her hand taking hold of his as their fingers intertwined.

"I loved her stories about the stars. Humans used to believe that the constellations were heroes or beasts that were favoured by the Gods, and given a place in the heavens as a memorial for their deeds. My mom was Greek and though she never said it I'm fairly sure she still kept some of that ancient belief."

"I can relate to that, Shepard." She said, playing with his fingers.

He looked at her and smiled. "The Greeks used mythology to basically explain the origins of the world, and the behaviour of life." He let out a soft laugh, "Even as I got older I loved to hear her tell them."

Shepard rarely talked about his family with anyone. The pain he had experienced on Mindoir was still in his mind, and Liara had seen his anguish each time they joined. She always did her best to quell his grief with her own, happier memories and she was always able to sooth him. But his heartache had always returned. She took his openness as a sign he was ready to finally start dealing with his grief.

"I think I loved mythology so much because you could always relate to a part of the Gods in some way." He looked at her with a smirk on his face, "You actually remind me of a particular favourite of mine."

"Is that so?"

"Artemis. Goddess of the hunt, wilderness…and virginity." His smirk turned to a grin as she thumped her elbow into his side. He chuckled and continued, "Just listen! She protected young girls, and eased their pain and suffering. She helped deliver her brother Apollo and believed her calling was as a midwife. She wanted to bring life into the world with as little suffering as possible."

"I suppose I can live with that." She said, placing Shepard's hand on her stomach, "Where is her constellation."

"Well she doesn't have one. But I always saw her in Orion." He took her finger in his hand and began tracing the constellation for her. "Orion was her hunting partner, and as the story goes, the only man to ever capture her love."

"Well, now I can see the connection," she purred, "So did they get their happily ever after?"

"No, not quite. Either Apollo, Gaia, or Artemis herself kills him, depending on which version you're reading. And then she kills every other man who tries to get into her hunting tunic. I like to think about the latter."

"That many people wanted him dead? Now I can definitely see the association." She pulled him closer and snuggled against him starting to fall asleep.

"There's a part of me there I guess, but I like to think of myself as a different demi-god."

"And who would that be?" She asked, half asleep.

He smiled to himself and closed his eyes. "Hercules."


	9. Chapter 9

**Behold, the next chapter. Thanks again for your interest and please keep reviewing! Might end it here and just do some one shots, or introduce some sort of conflict. We'll see what direction it takes. I'm open to suggestions!**

**Please enjoy!**

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The sun was beginning to rise and it illuminated the calm water with a violet hue, the waves softly lapped against the sandy shore behind their home. He stood out on the deck, towel around his waist, coffee in his hand as he leaned against the railing taking in the natural tranquility around him. He loved mornings in Armali and had taken to running along the beach in the early morning hours, cooling off with a swim behind his home. Running helped clear his head, and he preferred the cool morning air. He hadn't been sleeping well and running had always managed to calm him, while keeping him in top shape.

Things were beginning to quiet down as rebuilding continued. Power, food, and water had all been restored within a few months and the Asari had quickly restored many of their institutions, businesses, and residential areas. Shepard had been posted to head the United Galactic Military's Asari Transition Project: an effort to exploit the highly effective guerrilla tactics of the Asari commandos, while also training to fight using conventional war fighting tactics. While the commandos drew enemy towards a specific objective, dwindling their numbers wherever possible, the Turians would focus on the air threat, while a defensive line of Krogan and Humans waited for the commandos to draw their enemy into a kill zone, and launch a counter attack. Working together had proved to be highly effective, from many standpoints. He was enjoying his new role, and now that the project was finally on its feet and beginning to run on its own, he was able to work from the seclusion of his home more often.

Liara's pregnancy had been drawing to an end, and Shepard found himself keeping a closer eye on her. He had a bag packed and loaded waiting in the sky car, the transmission ID for their doctor posted in every room of the house, and he had read and re-read every single Asari pregnancy and early development book ever published. But he still didn't feel ready. The thought of being a dad, being responsible for the life, the whole life, of another living being was a bit overwhelming. The burden of his mortality had also troubled him. While his implants and modifications certainly extended his life, no one was quite sure how much more time he had been granted. He tried not to think of the moments of his daughter's life he wouldn't get to see, he tried to focus on the good, but the thoughts always lingered.

He snapped out of his reflections and he felt soft, slender arms wrap around his stomach as she gently kissed the back of his neck.

"Good morning beautiful." His muscles relaxed at her touch and he turned around to face her, leaning against the rail. "It's still pretty early, why don't you go back to bed. You need your rest."

"I've had enough rest to last me a lifetime, Shepard." She moved over to the rail beside him and looked out at the water as Shepard caressed her stomach. "Beautiful view."

Shepard continued to stare at her, a smile on his face, "It sure is."

"You are such a flatterer."

She played with the bracelet on his wrist before moving to stroke back his dark hair, still wet from his swim. He had kept it military proper along the sides but had left the length on top. She had always been fascinated with his hair. The way it moved with the breeze, they way it felt as she brushed it through her fingers, the way it smelled distinctly like his mild soap all the time. She especially loved it when it was wet because she was able to shape it any way she liked.

"Come inside and I'll make you some breakfast."

"Careful, Shepard. I might just get used to all this pampering."

He grabbed her hand and led her inside. "Nothing's too good for my girls."

Their home was considered more of a villa in human terms and was surrounded by the exotic vegetation and docile wildlife of Thessia. Shepard preferred the seclusion the location provided as it offered them rare privacy. The two had become massive celebrities and while they had both graciously used their celebrity status to further the rebuilding effort, and keep peace within the galaxy, they enjoyed their private lives now more than ever. The home featured three large bedrooms with vaulted ceilings and large windows in view of the ocean. Shepard had also installed a skylight above their bed in an effort to provide himself some familiarity. It had been years since he slept on solid ground. Wide garden doors opened to a large, exotic wood balcony overlooking the beach and ocean and Shepard often enjoyed laying in the hammock at night, starring up at the stars with Liara in his arms. The kitchen featured wide doors and floor to ceiling windows that captured the view of the ocean wonderfully. He pulled a seat out from the table and helped Liara down, pushing her chair back in he gave her a kiss on her cheek.

"You are spoiling me."

"I like spoiling you. You deserve it. Now relax and read your data pad while I make you some French toast."

"That sounds lovely, thank you." She said with a heartwarming smile, "But what exactly makes it _French?_"

Shepard furled his brows in thought and he continued to prepare the meal, "You know I'm not sure. The French do like their bread and pastries though so maybe it has something to do with that. I had shore leave in Paris once but I never saw it on any menu. They had such rich and decadent food there. And everyone was so beautiful. Thessia actually reminds me a lot of Paris actually."

"Oh really?"

He flipped the bread over in the pan as it continued to cook, and he began slicing some fruit, "Yeah, delicious food, stunning architecture, beautiful women everywhere you look…" he said with a wink.

"Well I certainly don't feel it right now. My body has grown so…disproportionally."

He walked over and placed the plate in front of her, stepping in for a tender kiss on her lips. "Leave it to you to use big words when criticizing yourself. I think you're gorgeous. Always have, always will. Now, please enjoy the extremely nutritious breakfast I have created." He said with a laugh.

Once their meal was complete, Shepard removed the dishes and made his way to their room where he showered and dressed. As he was walking out into the hall, he found Liara in their study, pouring over data pads, holos, and assortments of research.

"Liara…" His voice was a mixture of annoyance and concern. "You're supposed to be resting."

"And I told you, I am fine." She said, continuing to type in her console. "Javik just sent me the last chapters of our book for re-editing. The baby isn't coming for another two weeks. Relax."

"You relax." He walked up behind her and started to rub her shoulders. Asari pregnancies were surprisingly similar to humans and Liara experienced aches and pains, and up until several weeks ago the odd bout of nausea. For the most part, however, it had been an uncomplicated pregnancy. "How are you feeling?"

Liara had always been perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but she found Shepard's overprotective nature to be endearing. She had no doubt he would make an excellent father and it made her feel a little better to know that he was there every step of the way.

"A little nervous actually." She replied and she sank back into her chair, closing her eyes and absorbing Shepard's firm hands.

"About the birth?"

"Yes, that too. About everything really. My mother was not always the best example of a parent. And you've met my father. I wonder what kind of mother I will be."

"You're going to be a terrific mother. You have such a natural caring instinct it makes me wonder how you ended up with a brute like me. If our daughter turns out half as wonderful as you I think we'll have done a pretty good job."

She smiled as she grabbed his hand and stood up, planting loving kiss on his lips. "You have many admirable qualities yourself, Commander."

He cleared his throat, "That's Admiral now, Doctor."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him in for another kiss. "You look stressed _Admiral_, you should take a nice, long, _hot,_ bath. Doctor's orders." She said in a low, evocative tone.

Shepard took the hint, and started sprinting towards their bathroom, stripping off his clothes as he went.

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"Hey, lady! You take any longer in there and we're going to be late!" his voice was muffled as he called her from the living room.

"I'll be right there, Shepard!" She yelled back as she sat down in their restroom. She hadn't been feeling well this evening and was debating even going out to her father's for dinner. She was dressed and ready to go but was still dealing with nausea and stomach troubles. As she sat down she felt a gush of liquid leave her body, and her eyes grew to the size of saucers as her heart began to race. She sat for a moment, in panic, as she tried to work out whether this was birth fluid, or otherwise. She took a deep breath and decided to look down, and saw the pale blue liquid she didn't want to see.

"Shepard!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, alarm in her voice.

Shepard rushed to the door and tried to open it. His nervous hands were fumbling at the doorknob and without thinking he took a few steps back and swiftly kicked it in with extraordinary force. Thankfully, the doors in the interior of their home were of classic design as Shepard, despite being partly synthetic, didn't trust technology when it came to his loved ones safety. As he broke through the door, he saw Liara sitting down, panic written all over her face.

"I think it's happening!" She said, her voice trembling.

"Now?! You're kidding, right?"

"Why would I joke about this?!" She was yelling at him angrily.

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her waist. "I'm going to call the doctor and the hospital, can you make it to the car?"

"Yes, it's just the fluid, I'm alright."

Shepard rushed around the house, running completely on adrenaline as he contacted their doctor who assured him the situation was normal, and contacted the hospital that was already preparing their room, and grabbed more towels. He met Liara who was sitting in the front seat; her breathing under control but her contractions had started. He was shaking as he activated the sky car and punched in the already preprogrammed nav route to the hospital. It was a 45 minute flight to Armali's General Hospital but Liara seemed to be doing fine.

Like the Gods were reading his mind, she let out a primal scream as her second contraction hit her hard and fast. Shepard looked down and noticed the baby was starting to breech. Yelling into his sky cars on board transmission system he contacted the hospital to let them know the baby was coming.

"She's 3 minutes apart!" He was shouting over his wife's screams.

"It's alright, Shepard. We still have time." She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince him or herself.

As they rounded another corner she suddenly felt cold, and her legs started to shake. "I think I'm in transition!" She cried, a new sense of panic in her voice.

"Shit!" His face was full of distress but he never took his eyes off the route.

"Shepard, this isn't supposed to be happening this fast." She was fighting through the pain, but Shepard could tell she was worried.

"Since when have we ever done anything even remotely normal?"

"Good point."

She propped herself up on the chair, and this time Shepard took his eyes off the road, and was able to see a leg. Liara was reaching a new level of pain as Shepard called the hospital again, telling them he was setting the car down and sending the ambulance the nav point. Their daughter wasn't waiting to get to the hospital. She was coming now. Setting the car down on the ground, he ran around to the passenger side and positioned himself between Liara's legs. He was able to see his daughter had her legs and part of her waist out.

He wrapped the lower half of their daughter's body with more towels, and supported her weight. "It's a girl!" He yelled, excitedly.

"Is that supposed to be funny?" She shouted in reply, throwing her head back as another contraction hit her. "Don't pull!"

"I know! It's going to be okay, Liara! We got this!" _I have no idea what I'm doing._

Coaching Liara with words of encouragement, Shepard smiled as her next contractions delivered the tiny Asari's head. He cleaned her mouth and nose and listened to the beautiful cry his daughter let out. He cleaned her with a towel, and wrapped her in another. Their eyes met and Shepard was overwhelmed with a feeling of love he'd never before experienced. He gently placed their little girl on Liara's chest and tenderly kissed his wife.

"I am so proud of you." He wiped the sweat from her forehead.

"We did it, Shepard. She's so beautiful." Tears were welling in her eyes as she managed a weak smile.

"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He kissed her softly on her lips before planting a loving kiss on the little Asari's head crest. "Must take after her mommy." He sat down on the ground, leaning against the sky car and began laughing uncontrollably. "I can't believe this actually happened." He wiped his eyes with his hands. "I don't think that ambulance is coming."

Liara was now laughing as well, and the little Asari took her finger in her small hands. "I think she developed your impatience, Shepard."

He climbed back into the sky car and continued his way to the hospital, mother and daughter both completely calm now. "God help us."

Upon arriving at the hospital, Shepard casually strolled into the emergency room and announced their arrival. Within seconds, midwives rushed down with a crib and a wheelchair and ushered mother and daughter to recovery, Shepard trailing closely behind. Both were happy, healthy, and getting some much needed rest. Shepard lay beside Liara as she snuggled close, both watching the tiny Asari sleep.

"She looks so peaceful." Liara said, stroking Shepard chest with her thumb.

"Yeah, hard to believe she's real." He trailed his fingers along her crest. "She looks just like you."

"She has your eyes though." She smiled and planted a kiss over his shirt.

He let out a tired laugh. "We still need a name you know."

"Any suggestions?" She said, closing her eyes, trying to fight off sleep.

"Something with a lot of vowels."

She gave him a playful smack. "Actually, I was doing some research…"

"No kidding!"

"I was doing some research and came across the name Astraea. In your mythology, she was the personification of justice and…"

"Innocence and purity." He finished for her. He smiled to himself and held Liara tight. "It certainly has enough vowels."

"She'll have her own constellation you can tell her about."

"I like it." He kissed her forehead as the door to their hospital slid open, and Aethyta walked through.

"Goddess, can't you two do anything normal?" She whispered, trying not the wake the sleeping baby. She walked over to the crib and watched her sleep. "She's absolutely gorgeous. I knew you had in you."

"Thanks, Grandpa." Liara said with a smile.

"We're going to have to talk about that title, kid." She looked back at the tiny Asari. "Have we decided on a name?"

"Actually we just did." Shepard replied, "Astraea."

"She looks like an Astraea." She leaned against the crib and looked at Liara. "I remember when you were like this. So small and helpless. You looked at us with those big blue eyes like we were going to give you the world." She let her head drop. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"You're here now." Liara replied quickly, an honest smile on her face.

Aethyta turned once more to Astraea and smiled. "I should get out of here and let you guys rest. I'll be back tomorrow when she's awake. Need to make the proper introductions."

"Of course, Aethyta," Shepard replied. "Oh, and sorry for missing dinner."

She started towards the door. "Don't worry about it Shep, I ordered out." She left them to the dimly lit room and Shepard got up to turn out the lights.

"Stay with me?" Liara cast him a pleading look.

Shepard smiled and crawled in beside her again. "Like you even have to ask." He lay down on the bed as Liara rested on top of him, huddled close. "You're never getting rid of me."

"Is that a promise?"

"That's a guarantee."


	10. Chapter 10

**Pretty short chapter but I think it introduces things nicely with still enough fluff to keep me happy. It will get darker soon, promise. Keep reading and reviewing please! Suggestions and comments always accepted.**

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It was morning, very morning as he slid back into bed to try once more to fall asleep. He'd been grateful that Astraea required his attention at least once during the night; it made his sleeplessness feel justified. But she was almost too content. For most parents the saying 'slept like a baby' was enough to elicit some sort of violent reaction from one or both of the sleep deprived adults, but for Shepard the saying held true. Astraea slept peacefully, only waking occasionally, and even when she did wake she never screamed or cried. She would whimper from time to time but mostly she required a bottle or a change and then settled back to sleep. It was shocking. Their roles had almost been reversed. It was him who was waking up in the middle of the night fighting for air, sweating profusely, sometimes with tears in his eyes. He could only ever remember fragments of his nightmares, and they all involved the Reapers, or that citadel child that acted as a Reaper in disguise. He would often walk over to Astraea's room to comfort himself, just watching her sleep. It reminded him the war was over, had been over for more than a year. He'd won his peace.

He lay on his side, pulled up the covers and placed his hand over Liara's empty space. She'd been asked to give a guest lecture at the University of Serrice's main campus discussing her and Javik's book: _Journeys with the Prothean_. It had been a battle getting Liara out the door, she didn't want to leave Astraea but Shepard had been insistent. It was good for her to get out of the house and it was only a weekend. Shepard could handle it, and after the first few hours of screaming, Astraea had accepted the impromptu father daughter weekend. Liara would be back this evening and he found himself giddy with anticipation. He always seemed to sleep better when he felt Liara's warmth beside him. The nightmares still plagued him and he could always feel Liara reaching out when they joined, but he kept it locked away. Afraid to see it himself. Most times he would wake up without disturbing her, but every so often he would violently shoot out of bed, his heart racing as he recovered his senses and tried to figure out where he was. Those were the times when the concerned look on Liara's face worried him most. He would recall only pieces to her but she could always sooth him with just her touch, and the feeling of her breath on his neck as she nuzzled tightly against him, never letting go. She was his anchor, and he missed her.

He was unable to shut off his brain and lingered somewhere between being asleep and being awake and so absorbed in his own thoughts he hadn't heard the door open, and his wife slide in beside him. He could no longer hold back his smile as she started to brush her fingers through his hair. He wrapped his arm around her waist in response and pulled her closer able now to feel her breath on his skin. His eyes were still closed when she planted a soft, amorous kiss on his lips. His smile grew; he opened his eyes and was met by her beautiful pools of blue serenity.

"You're not supposed to be back until tonight." He said in a tired, raspy voice.

"I missed you." She stroked his scruffy cheek with her thumb.

"I'm not complaining." He heaved a contented sigh. "How was your trip?"

She nudged a little closer so their foreheads touched, and she closed her eyes. "Very well. Javik was his usual approachable self so I did the majority of the talking. He only made one young student cry."

Shepard let out a low chuckle as he ran his fingers down Liara's back.

"There was something else though." She said as she opened her eyes and met Shepard's. "They offered me a position at the Univeristy's campus here in Armali. A professorship."

"What did you tell them?"

"I told them I would talk to you." She looked at him, seeking approval she didn't need.

"Okay…well…Do you want to do this?"

She snuggled closer. "It is a big decision, and I don't want to be away from you or Astraea."

He let out another soft chuckle, "You didn't answer my question."

She sighed and smiled warmly, "Yes. I do."

"Then it's settled, Professor Doctor T'Soni."

She placed another kiss on his lips. "I was serious when I said I did not want to leave you two. But I would only teach a single class, and they're giving me complete access to their library and artifact collection. I could do a lot of work from home…"

He cut her off with a laugh, "Would you relax? I'm happy for you. That's all I want, for you to be happy. Besides, now Astraea will have an 'in' at the University." He gave her a genuine smile, one that made her melt. "And I'm fully aware of how hard you academic types work."

She responded with a weak punch to his shoulder before snuggling against his chest.

"So you missed me, eh?"

Her hands slithered up and around his neck, resting at the back of his head while she played with the short hair there. Her lips lightly brushing along his throat before making their way to his mouth. He swallowed hard at her motions.

"Yes." She was less than an inch away from his mouth and he could feel her words vibrate against him. "Very much."

He was completely awake now and his hands found their way further down her body, working their way under her nightgown. He could only think of one thing to say.

"Show me."


	11. Chapter 11

**This is going to be fun to write. Updates may not come as frequently as I try to work this out in my head first. As always please keep reviewing. Your opinions matter and I appreciate the confirmation that people are actually reading and enjoying. **

**Cheers.**

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Liara sat on their couch casually scanning the news on her data pad. From the corner of her eye she spotted Shepard's hunched form, Astraea draped in her hooded towel fresh from a bath, her hands wrapped around Shepard's fingers as they walked across the room towards her. Their daughter was a quick learner and was becoming braver each day, taking a few more steps on her own. With assistance she was nearly at a full sprint and Shepard enjoyed indulging her adventurous side. While she took to puzzles and loved to closely analyze every inch of her toys, she loved nothing more than when Shepard would toss her into the air, balance her on his feet while laying on his back, and pretend to chase her while at the same time, assisting her in running away. His hearty, full-bodied laugh made Liara smile. When he was playing with Astraea he was genuinely happy, and that made Liara equally content.

In one swift motion he picked her up and swooshed her towards Liara, her little face red from laughter.

"She just wanted a goodnight kiss." Shepard smiled as Liara took the little Asari in her arms and kissed her repeatedly. Astraea giggled at the gesture and reached up to give her mother a hug around her neck.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." She gave her one last kiss on the nose before Shepard scooped her up again, holding her with one arm. He leaned in towards Liara, balancing his weight with his free arm on the couch.

"Daddy wants one too." He gave her a devilish grin.

She smiled and obliged by sitting up and planting a chaste kiss on his lips. "Goodnight, Shepard."

"Oh I'm coming back." He said as he turned and walked towards Astraea's room.

They had established a nightly routine that had resulted quite successfully in Astraea sleeping through the entire night without disturbing them. Shepard however, was still struggling with his sleeping patterns. While he managed to achieve between five and six hours, they were never successive. He would sleep for a maximum of one or two hours at a time, mostly at night and sometimes in the evenings or early mornings, but his irregular sleep patterns were taking its toll. Though he tried his best to keep it from Liara, their joining allowed her to see everything. Sharing his fears and burdens were a necessary part of their bond, one that she took very seriously. Most of what she was able to see, however, was confusing and incomprehensible, and Shepard was reluctant to talk about such topics with her. He was scared, that she knew without a doubt, of what though, she couldn't say.

He plopped down beside her and breathed out heavily as he rubbed his eyes with his hands. He leaned in closer, looking at the contents on her data pad before sinking down into the couch, his head on her shoulder.

"Anything good?"

"No, nothing really. I'm just distracting myself from the papers I have to grade. It turns out I dislike grading them even more than I dislike writing them.

"You're such a liar." He chuckled, "I know for a _fact_ you love writing research papers. The attention to detail, the diligence, the need for it to be just-so."

She looked away from him, trying to hide her smile. "Fine. Then I dislike reading poorly written ones."

"That one I'll believe." She turned his hand over and laced her fingers through his and she felt him loosen up a little more.

"Tell me about your day." Shepard had graciously arranged his schedule around Liara's commitments to the University during the week. He would come home from work early a few days a week before Liara had to depart for her class. Aethyta had offered to babysit for them however Shepard and Liara had always wanted to stay home. While they would always have a child, they wouldn't have a baby for long. Although Asari had remarkably long life spans, their developmental stages had been astonishingly similar to humans. They grew physically, and for the most part mentally at the same rate. It was important to them to cherish these few precious years with Astraea.

He let out a low hum, pondering the question, "Well after you left, our lovely daughter absolutely refused to eat the delicious meal of _paglia_ I had so dotingly mashed for her. Following a rather long battle of wills, which she won by the way, we played 'Blasto vs the Normandy', I got to be the Normandy this time, and then she ignored me for a few hours while she played at her puzzle station. I managed to get a little work done in the process." He let out a yawn and adjusted his position, trying to get comfortable.

Liara leaned against the arm of the couch, and gently pulled Shepard back toward her, rubbing his shoulders. "You must be tired." As her thumbs kneaded into his back, she felt him sink into her, resting his head on her chest. His eyes looked up at her, smiling softly. His hair was soft under her chin and she smiled back as he closed his eyes. Liara knew the power her touch had on him, her ability to make him calm, to create serenity. It made her feel useful and needed. It made her feel loved.

"Do you know how much I love you?" But he always managed to tell her anyway.

"Yes." She said, the tranquility of her voice matching the moment perfectly.

He let out a barely audible groan as he started to drift off to sleep, "you're supposed to say 'show me'."

She laughed quietly and shook her head, "You are insufferable."

"You love it." He tilted his head towards the back of the couch, trying to let sleep take him.

She slowed the massage and leaned back on the couch herself, waiting for him to fall asleep. It didn't matter where he slept at this point, only that he slept. She was half asleep herself when she was abruptly jolted by Shepard as he shot up, suddenly full of energy. His eyes were wide and spastically searching in the direction of the kitchen doors.

"Do you hear that?" His voice held equal amounts of doubt and certainty. He stood up and slowly walked towards the large doors.

"Shepard? What did you…"

"Shh!" He held up a hand and quickly hushed her, "You can't hear that?"

She looked at him, apprehension in her eyes. "I can't hear anything…" She was concerned. He had that look in his eyes he always got when he was hunting for something, or someone. Totally focused on stalking his prey. It was very likely he had heard something outside. A reporter, a fan, an enemy. But she had taken every precaution she could imagine and her security system was unrivaled. If there was an insect on their property, she knew about it. Nothing had popped up on her omni-tool.

Shepard moved to the kitchen counters, his eyes never leaving the large windows facing the back of their property, the ocean illuminated by the starlight. He reached into a drawer and grabbed a flashlight.

"There's someone outside." He said confidently.

"Shepard…" She tried to tell him that the security system hadn't detected any intruders.

"Just stay there. I'll be right back."

She watched him walk outside, the flashlight in his hand, and carefully search around the back of the house, moving to the tops of the trees, he stayed there for a moment. Watching. He suddenly jerked around, and rushed to the opposite edge of the deck, pointing the flashlight down. His hand moved to the back of his head and he scratched it. His face was full of uncertainty, frustration…and fear.

"Goddess." She said aloud. She stood up, unsure whether or not to walk out and retrieve him. "What is happening…"

He could swear he heard something. Something _laugh. _A child's laugh. "Hello?" He said, his voice a mixture of curiosity and insecurity.

'_This is your life'_

He spun around in the direction he had heard the voice from. A whisper. The bushes over the rail. He walked quickly over and pointed the flashlight there. Nothing.

"Where are you?" he was equal parts angry and afraid.

_'And it is ending one minute at a time.'_

Behind him now, he spun again and he recoiled as the flashlight shone directly in Liara's face.

"Jesus, Liara!" He wiped the sweat from his forehead. "You scared the shit out of me." He laughed nervously.

She held his face in her hands and looked into his eyes with genuine unease. She was examining him.

"Shepard…"

"It's alright. Must have been the wind." He laughed again. "Come on, lets…let's go to bed."

She said nothing, only looked into his eyes a little longer, trying to find some sort of answer there. He tried to respond to her concern with a look of confidence, one that he had mastered. She let out a deep breath as she grabbed his hand and led him back inside, while he glanced once more to the trees rustling in the wind.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry, a bit of writer's block. You all might recognize the very first line of this chapter but it was just too perfect. Thanks for the reviews! You might think you know where this story is going, but I'm hoping I can keep you guessing. As always please continue to read, enjoy, and review. Comments and suggestions are appreciated.**

**I also wanted to take this opportunity to state I hate the title of this story. I needed one and it was the first thing I could think of. You live, you learn. Anyway, behold chapter 12.**

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When you have insomnia nothing ever seems real. You're no longer an active participant in your life, no longer interested in engaging or being engaged. The world moves around you, and you observe it. It's almost like being outside yourself, watching as you cruise through your daily routine on autopilot. You get up, go to work, and have the same inane conversations with the same tiresome people day after day after day. You go home. You go to bed. You don't sleep. When you have insomnia you don't have problems sleeping. You have problems living.

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His sleeplessness was finally making its mark. For weeks he struggled with his concentration, trying to complete the simplest of tasks had become extremely difficult. He found himself having to ask a question twice, or completely forget assignments all together until eventually he just stopped. His console had become downright intimidating. Bleeping and flashing at his failure to get things in the right order as the numbers and letters began to float around the screen. Problems were beginning to mount up. His feet hurt when he walked, there was an ache in his back, and he had a constant shivery feeling. At least when he was at work he had something to concentrate on – the rest of the time he felt an unusual sense of alienation, like he was a visitor to the world. Normal life was something he was looking at, not taking part in. Two days ago he had a pathetic urge to call a close friend and whinge at them, but he didn't because of a fear that they wouldn't know who he was. Very odd.

There was a thick fog around his eyes all the time. The night was something to fear and the bedroom a place of torment. He no longer believed that when he lied down in bed, sleep would come. Instead he was sure that if he closed his eyes, they would soon flash open at a sound, a feeling, or a sense that something was wrong. But at least he wasn't dreaming anymore. He could never get deep enough to be haunted by anything there. All his demons were in the waking world now, and he no longer had the energy to deal with them.

The worst part was watching his home life deteriorate, unable to intervene and fix it. He would get irritated with Liara when she would inquire about his day, and even more agitated when she would ask about his night. He couldn't filter anything; he couldn't stop the anger from leaving his mouth. That was what made him most upset, hearing himself say things he didn't want to say, things he didn't mean. She wanted to help, but he just wanted her to stop trying. When it came to Astraea he just felt guilt. He wanted to be involved and he could sense her need to have him there, he just wasn't. But he would get through it eventually, like everything else. Insomnia was just one more enemy he had to kill.

Starring blankly at his screen he could feel the bags under his eyes weighing him down as he reached for the power button on his console. Just as he was about to close off another day, the console chimed. He was being pinged. Without processing the event his finger instinctively reached to accept the call, and was greeted by a man, clearly human, but the glaring light in his office obstructed his face.

"Admiral Shepard." The voice was young, full of life, and lightly accented indicating he was from one of the eastern American territories of Earth. He commended himself on being able to deduce that much information from a simple greeting. His brain was working in flashes.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"I'm Agent Logan. Listen, I don't have time for greetings and introductions. You have been assigned. Spectre business."

"If this is Spectre business then I'd be talking to a member of the council."

"The council has assigned me to you specifically, Admiral. We need to meet in person."

"You're assigned to me? That makes even less sense than your previous statement. How did you get this transmission ID?" He asked, more annoyed than concerned.

"This isn't unanimous, Admiral. Some council members are not involved. This is entirely off the record. We need to meet in person. Not at your office, not at your home. I'm transmitting the coordinates now. You will meet me there at 2000 hours Zulu time, or I will seek you out." Straight forward, to the point

"That a threat?"

"No, Admiral. A guarantee."

The screen went dark and he stood there for a moment, feeling a new surge of energy pulse through him. The council was _assigning _someone to him? Like he couldn't be trusted? This human must have been another Spectre, but if he was, why wasn't he informed? An assassin? A partner? The screen blinked as the coordinates popped up. The meeting location was only seven kilometers from his home. Whoever this agent was, he knew where Shepard lived. And _very _few people were privileged with that information. Maybe he was a Spectre. He needed to know more.

He gathered up his brief case and walked through his door, ignoring the sharp salute his assistant gave him as he walked by, a sense of purpose guiding him to his next task.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dinner was silent. He poked and prodded at the meal on his plate, occasionally checking his watch, but never looking up at her, never speaking. She spent much of the dinner hour analyzing his behaviour. He wasn't himself. Where he would usually cheerfully inquire about her day, and freely tell her about his own, he was now completely withdrawn. His lack of sleep was mostly to blame, but she was sure there was more. He would become upset when she would try to discuss it with him, and he had even refused to let her meld to sooth his mind to sleep. There was something wrong with him, and Liara was intent to find out. She was reaching a boiling point, a level of frustration she had never felt toward him. She could deal with his attitude towards her, but she could sense that Astraea was feeling the change in her father's behaviour as well. To her, that was the worst part.

She knew this conversation would likely result in an argument, or an outburst of anger from either party, so she had enlisted the help of her father to take care of Astraea for the evening. She and Shepard needed to have a discussion.

As he finished the remains of his meal, he stood and collected the plates from the table and brought them to the kitchen. Without a word, he began walking toward his office, once again looking at his watch.

"Shepard." She called still sitting at the kitchen table.

"Yes, Liara?" He stopped in his tracks at the sound of the intensity in her voice.

"Please sit down. We need to have a talk."

He knew this was coming but let out a loud sigh regardless. He pivoted and made his way back to the table, seating himself across from her. He looked at her, trying to see right through the concern in her eyes, his face expressionless. He waited for her to speak first.

"You have not been yourself lately, and frankly you are starting to worry me." She said so matter-of-factly.

"I haven't been sleeping, Liara. I'm just tired, that's all."

"That's not all. You hardly speak to me anymore. You barely even acknowledge Astraea. You're restless, anxious, irritable. You're withdrawing from me emotionally…physically."

Her last words made him wince as he raised his hands to rub his eyes and collect his thoughts.

"Liara…what do you want me to do?" There was defeat in his voice.

"I want you to get help." She replied, a little more forcefully.

"I went to the doctor on the base already, and just like I told you, she prescribed me sedatives. I'm not going on any more meds. Not after Mindoir. I can deal with this myself."

"No!" She had made him jump a little with her frustration and she leaned in toward him, trying to impose some form of authority. A trick she had learned from him. "Shepard, I am your bondmate. I am your wife! When you shut me out you hurt me. You make me feel like you don't trust me, like you don't need me." There were tears welling in her eyes, and Shepard tried to look away. "You need to talk to me. You need to let me in." She reached across the table and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. "Look at me." He slowly met her gaze, his eyes becoming redder as he tried hard not to focus on her. "Trust me."

He was shifting in his seat, his body and mind struggling to decide whether or not to run away. He raised his other hand to his eyes and squinted hard, holding everything back. When he managed to speak, it was no more than a whisper. "I do trust you, Liara. I do. I just- I just need time. And I need you to trust me too."

That last part took her back. "I'm sorry I've been acting so despondent. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to Astraea. I'll try harder. I'll figure it out. I always do." He managed a weak smile.

"You always do…" She repeated his words, not so confidently.

He stood and drew Liara in for a tight embrace, his arms wrapped around her waist, head resting on her shoulder. She held him back tighter than she ever had, pressing hard against his body, hands desperately grasping at the back of his head and neck.

"Just promise me you'll talk to me more. You are a part of me, and I am a part of you. Never forget that."

"I know." Her shoulder muffled his answer and she felt his words vibrate against her neck.

As they withdrew from their hold, Shepard wiped a stray tear from Liara's face with his thumb. "No more tears okay?"

"Let me try to meld with you tonight. It might sooth you. Help you sleep." A little desperation in her request.

"Okay." He breathed out heavily and nodded his head in agreement. "Okay."

"Okay" she was a little relieved as he leaned in for a kiss to solidify their contract.

"I'm going to go for a run. Clear my head." He started to walk towards their room.

"This time of night?"

"Yeah, the air is cooler, it might help me fall asleep."

That convinced her right there.

"Alright, I'll be here when you get back."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He glanced down at his watch again while feet still moved underneath him, long strides, and deep breaths taking him closer to his destination. He wasn't sure of what he would find there, or who would really be waiting for him. For all he knew, he could be walking straight into a trap. He had concealed a knife on the outside of his leg under his N7 jogging pants, but if this truly was an ambush he probably wouldn't have a chance to react. Despite this he was surprisingly calm. If they had wanted to ambush him they would have already. He slowed to a jog as he approached the nav point.

There, in the bushes about 50ft from the beach, he saw his target. The man stood underneath a cam net, leaning against a tree, a small lantern illuminating the area. He stood straight as Shepard walked towards him. He was human, tall enough but shorter than Shepard, athletic, built but trim. He had soft features, blue eyes, and short brown hair parted to the left side and held together with light product. His complexion was fair, with several distinguishing facial features. He had a small scar on the left side of his upper lip, and a cleft chin. He looked young, mid to late 20s at the most. He wore all black from his trousers to the light jacket that zipped up to his neck, no markings to distinguish his loyalty. He smiled as Shepard examined him.

"Admiral Shepard." He held out his hand in welcome.

Shepard eyed him suspiciously, and his muscles tensed as he prepared himself for a potential attack. He reached out his hand to meet the other, grasping it firmly, establishing authority as he shook the other man's hand.

"You obviously have me at a disadvantage, Mr. Logan."

"Agent Logan." He quickly corrected. "Special Tactics and Recon."

"A Spectre? Why have I never heard of you?"

He smiled and crossed over to lean on a tree, "The council appointed me shortly after the end of the Reaper War. You won't find any files on me, nothing to indicate I even exist. While your fame has worked for you, the council needs people like me to get things done…quietly. Think of me more as a ghost. A Specter." He laughed at his quip.

"So you distinguished yourself during the war? How did you get the council's attention? I've never heard of you." He was genuinely curious now.

"I was in the military for a short time before being recruited for ASIS. That's the…"

"Alliance Secret Intelligence Service." Shepard finished for him, "I guess that's why I've never heard of you."

"Right. I worked as an infiltrator during the war. And well, the rest is history. The council took notice of me, took my identity, gave me every resource I could ever ask for, and made me a specter."

Shepard was a bit overwhelmed. The council had created an even more dangerous version of the Spectres, without consulting anyone, as far as he knew. And now they had sent one to him.

"So what do you want from me? I suspect if you wanted me dead you would have done it already."

He laughed and relaxed his demeanor, "I'm not here to kill you Admiral, I'm here because the council once again requires your assistance."

"I'm retired."

"Spectres don't retire, Admiral. Not truly." He walked closer and lowered his voice, "And this is of the utmost importance." He began to pace, "You're a military man, Shepard. When is the best time for an enemy to launch a counter attack?"

"During consolidation. When everyone is coming down off their adrenaline high, when defenses are let down, when you think you're safest."

"Precisely." He stopped his pacing and looked at Shepard, straightening his stance. "I'm going to get right to the point, we think the Reapers are coming back."

Shepard was physically taken aback, "What?" His head swirled with thoughts, unable to come up with any sort of logical explanation for Logan's blunt statement. "We destroyed them. All of them!" The crack in his voice gave away his anger…and fear.

Logan continued, "When we were invaded, we experienced the main body of their force, we suspect their reserves have launched and are headed toward us via the mass relays. We've had disturbing reports from multiple systems concerning their communications. They go dark briefly before coming back online. We believe this is the first sign of a second wave."

_A second wave._ How could this be possible? They barely survived the first invasion, there was no way they could do it again.

Noticing Shepard's distress, Logan stepped closer. "We don't want to incite panic, this information is of the highest secrecy. This is off the record, not even the entire council is involved."

"Who's involved? Who gave this information?"

"I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you. All I am able to do is ask you as a fellow Spectre to help us stop this wave before it starts."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"You've spoken to them, you activated the crucible. You know more about the Reapers than any other being in this entire Galaxy. We need to prepare and we need your help."

Shepard was trying to steady his breathing and stifle his shock, "What do you need me to do?" He asked Logan in a low, stern voice.

"Use your knowledge of them. Think like them. Strategize with their goals in mind. You'll submit your report to me here, 2000 hours daily."

"How will reports help anything?! We need to get ready, we need to mount up and prepare for an assault!"

"And incite a galactic wide panic? No. We need to handle this delicately. Find a weakness, and get to them first. Quickly, quietly. That's my job. But I need your help."

He was shaking his head, trying to process everything. "Yeah. Okay. I'll do it."

Logan reached and shook his hand, "Excellent. I will see you here tomorrow and we can go over your findings."

"Right."

Logan began to walk away, stopping after taking only a few steps he turned to face Shepard, who was standing there looking at nothing, still shell shocked. "This is top priority Admiral. I trust I don't have to explain to you the consequences of dispelling such sensitive material?"

The question was loaded, and dripping with warning. Shepard glared at him, indicating to Logan he could read between the lines as well as anyone. "Don't question my loyalties," he walked slowly toward Logan, and loomed over him, using his small height difference to his advantage. "I know how to keep a secret. But if you ever threaten my family again, I'll kill you."

"No one's making threats, Admiral." He turned and walked away; disappearing into the shadows, "See you tomorrow."


	13. Chapter 13

The run back had been faster, more desperate as he tried to process what had just happened, who he had just met. How could he trust this individual? He had no credentials, no way of knowing if he was on the level, but somehow, he felt oddly comfortable. In any case, he wanted to stop the Reapers, or he wanted information on them for his own means. But what means? He would have to tread lightly, give him only essential pieces of the puzzle. If this man was who he said he was he could surely figure the rest out, or at the very least offer Shepard a gesture of good faith to let him know he was trustworthy.

His brain was racing at a frantic pace, and he felt more alert than he had in weeks. He stepped out of the washroom, towel wrapped around his waist fresh from his long shower. Liara was in their bed, waiting for him, the anticipation of another sleepless night weighing on them both. He slid on a pair of plain white boxer shorts and fell into bed, turning on his side and huddling into himself. As she stroked his back he knew that sooner or later he would have to turn over and let her into his mind. The meld she was proposing was a basic one, where she would share comforting and soothing memories of her own in place of Shepard's. He knew full well that his strong will and outright stubbornness exhausted Liara enough that she wouldn't go any deeper than necessary to quell him to sleep. That would be later he supposed. For now they were both content with just having him sleep a few hours.

With some gentle coaxing, Shepard rolled onto his back, and starred up at the skylight above him. A beautifully clear night allowed him to observe the moonless sky and the massive array of bright stars. Liara slowly positioned herself on top of him, allowing her full weight to rest upon his body, her legs on either side of his waist, and her arms hooked underneath him. He rested his hands on her thighs and he absorbed the feeling of her bare skin on his. He closed his eyes as she rested her forehead on his.

"You know I love you right?" His voice barely a whisper.

"Of course, Shepard."

"And I'd do anything to protect you and Astraea." She was feeling him tense again and silenced his next words with a soft kiss.

"I know." She breathed deep, hoping Shepard would follow her lead. "I need you to relax and breath with me." Her voice was the epitome of serenity and Shepard felt himself letting go. Her eyes went black.

She immersed herself into Shepard's consciousness and found his thoughts jumbled and confused once again. She saw shadows and death and destruction. She felt fear, anxiety, uncertainty, chaos, anger, and so little hope. She could feel him flinching under her and resisted the urge to push further into his mind. He wasn't ready, and all she wanted to do was ease him to sleep. She shared a memory she hoped would calm him. When he opened his eyes he and Liara were laying on the beach behind their house, in the same position. She ran her fingers through his hair and she kissed him deeply, he responded with equal enthusiasm and she felt a wave of love rush through her. She whispered soothing words into his ear and felt his breathing become deeper. She stayed there a while longer until she was sure. When she released from his mind, she smiled to herself at the image before her. Shepard's eyes were shut, his lips slightly parted, and his breathing steady. He was asleep. She kissed his forehead lightly before tactically rolling off him and settling down on her pillow. She watched Shepard as he slept and moved as close to him as she dared without waking him. Confident in her success, she let sleep take her.

* * *

The weight of his armour was bearing down on him as he ran through the desolate forest, chasing the boy he had failed to save. The place was full of shadows, figures of the dead he knew, and most he didn't. There were so many he couldn't save, and they were all calling for him.

_Shepard._

He turned the corner and looked frantically for the boy. Each time he got close enough to reach out, the figure would vanish into thin air, and he would be forced to pursue again.

_You know it's the right choice Lt._

Ash. He had left her on Virmire to die. Not because of personal feelings, but because it made the most tactical sense. He had assigned Kaiden to the Salarian assault team and he could save more lives if he left Ash with the nuke. The guilt was still there.

_Help us! _So many voices calling for help. His help.

_Someone else might have gotten it wrong._

_Does this unit have a soul?_

He had failed so many.

There he was again, short tired legs running from help Shepard desperately wanted to give. The boy stopped and huddled by a tree and Shepard made his final gain. He reached for the boy as the flames began to engulf him. The boy only smiled and Shepard recoiled in fear and disgust as he watched the flesh melt from his bones. A bright light filled the place and the shock knocked him to the ground. When he managed to open his eyes, the boy stood before him, hollow, filled with light.

_"I killed you." _Shepard said with equal amounts of anger and pure horror. _"I watched you die."_

_"Did you?"_ The sound of its voice made him jump back. The deep, harsh synthetic rumble that came from the boy's mouth was familiar. And absolutely terrifying.

_"What are you?"_

_"We are each a nation, independent, free of all weakness. You cannot grasp the nature of our existence, or our destruction…"_

_"What do you want from me!?" _He was yelling, screaming at the thing that stood before him.

Giving no hint of emotion, no inflection in his voice, he cocked his head to the side and simply replied, _"To die."_

He woke with an abrupt shock and looked around the room, trying to regain his senses. It was morning, he'd managed to sleep through the night, though he didn't feel much more rested. The dream had been so vivid it had exhausted him. But he was glad to have some semblance of rest, even if it was just for his body. He wiped the sweat from his face and glanced over to Liara's side of the bed. It was empty. Looking over at the clock he realized it was late in the morning, later than he'd slept in a long time. He sighed with frustration at the realization he'd missed a large part of his workday. He would have to begin to record his knowledge of the Reapers before his meeting with Logan.

Pouring out of bed he dressed himself in khaki shorts and a plain white t-shirt before making his way to the kitchen, bringing him closer to the soft, muffled voices coming from that direction. Aethyta must have brought Astraea back home. She and Liara would be sitting down with a cup of coffee, chatting about this and that. And possibly about him. He could hear their voices but tried to drown out the words, not wanting to hear what they were saying. Not having the energy to engage with Aethyta presently, he waited for her to leave. He took a deep breath and presented himself in the hall, striding towards the fridge as Liara placed Astraea in her chair. She greeted him with a warm smile as she seated herself at the table.

"Did you sleep well?"

He walked over to her, holding an orange in his hand and leaned down to kiss her on her lips.

"Better than I have in a while." He smiled, trying not to let his lie show through. He looked at Astraea and his face lit up, the little Asari smiling intently back at him. He kissed her tenderly on her forehead and sat down, peeling his orange.

"I'm glad." She replied. "What are your plans for the rest of your day?"

"Well I seem to have missed most of it, but I think I'll try to get some work done. What about you?"

She finished her coffee in a gulp, "I have my class today but I need to go in early to sort some things out. I can take Astraea if you would like some quiet while you work. The women in my department have been begging to see her."

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

"No, really. It's fine. You get some work done." She looked over to Astraea and her smile turned into a smirk, "I'm sure she won't mind all the attention of my colleagues and students."

Astraea, unlike her mother, was a people person.

"If you're sure." He said, stuffing a piece of orange in his mouth.

Liara stood and kissed his cheek. "We'll be back before you know it." She turned and walked away, off to get ready for the day.

He would get to work as soon as they left.

* * *

"This is good, but I get the feeling there's more. You're holding back, Shepard." Logan skimmed the contents of Shepard's OSD with his datapad.

"What makes you say that?" Shepard crossed his arms and leaned against a tree. He had been carrying on this routine for several days, and Logan's frustrations were becoming more and more apparent. But he still didn't trust him fully.

"You expect me to believe that after you were transported to the citadel, all you had to do was hit a simple switch, and bam, boom, the Reapers are destroyed? It can't be that simple." Logan began to pace.

"Why not?" He asked, toying with him.

"Because it can't!" Logan shouted as he spun on his heels and B-lined straight for Shepard, getting in his face. "I don't know if you think this is a game, but you need to start taking this seriously. I need to know _everything._"

He shoved Logan away, "Then I need to know you are who you say you are. You've given me exactly no proof you're a Spectre, no proof you were Alliance, no proof your name is actually even Logan! You want me to be forthcoming? You first."

He reached into his pocket and looked at the object in his hand before tossing it to Shepard. It was a coin, a unit coin. The heavy rare copper piece displayed the emblem of the Alliance Army's 1st Infantry Division with its motto _Duty, Loyalty, Integrity Courage. _The back of the coin held the inscription _On the occasion of becoming an Alliance soldier -Jack Logan. _The gesture said it all. Traditionally, unit coins are given to prove membership when challenged and to enhance morale. They can also be presented by unit commanders in recognition of special achievement by a member of the unit. A distinctly human tradition, one that Shepard could not return at the moment.

"I can show you my ASIS coin if you like as well, though it only reacts to other ASIS agents. It would just be blank for you. As for the Spectre part…" He put a finger to his lower eye-lid and drew it down, exposing the Spectre symbol on his raw flesh. "Spectre status recognized?"

Shepard was somewhat satisfied, though now he felt a rush of annoyance. He felt like a fool. "Guess I owe you a beer, I don't have my coin on me."

"So now that that's settled, can we get back to business?"

"You'll have it in my next report. I don't think I can accurately describe it to you. I need time to think, to write it down."

"Time is of the essence, Shepard. See you tomorrow."


	14. Chapter 14

**Relatively short chapter but things are progressing as planned. There will not be any updates until at least next weekend as I'm going out of town! Please review!**

* * *

When he returned home, Liara and Astraea had not yet returned from Liara's office. _She must have been pressured into some socialization. _He thought to himself with a smile. While Liara was more comfortable interacting with her own species, she was still somewhat of a recluse. Years of studying on her own on remote dig sites, followed by her tenure as the shadow broker hadn't really done much to expose her to normal social interaction. He was happy that she could experience some companionship outside their home. He still missed her though. She was his rock, his constant, his confident, and his best friend.

Still sweaty from his run, he showered and dressed in comfortable clothes before sitting down on the couch and turning on his holoprojector, ready to watch the galactic news for any sign of odd activities. He listened to the entire cycle of information, a scholarship was announced in Thane Krios' name to help less fortunate children stationed in the wards, the alliance between the Quarians and the Geth continued to flourish, the Quarians expected to operate outside their enviro suits within the year, and the latest Archangel vid was breaking records. Either there was nothing or they just weren't reporting anything out of the ordinary. He slumped back in his chair a little further, listening to Armali's weather report.

_"Shepard." _He jumped and looked behind him, his eyes wide and searching. He starred intently in the direction of the kitchen, waiting for something to happen.

"_Shepard!"_ The voice changed directions, and was now louder, different, familiar.

He stood, and looked towards his study, slowly approaching it. He entered with caution and the lights slowly illuminated the room. He saw nothing.

_"Your species needs to learn its place, Shepard."_

He spun, and was now facing the large window behind his desk, the lights in the room only allowing him to see his own, frightened expression. He knew that voice.

"Saren?"

_"You can't fight them, Shepard. You can't win. Let them in."_

"You're dead. I killed you." The voice was all around him now. In the shelves of paper books, in the artifacts that scattered the room, in the encased N7 armour.

_"You cannot kill what is already dead." _Then he saw him. Saren appeared almost out of no-where and was now standing, towering above Shepard. "_We are eternal!"_

He slammed Shepard up against a bookcase, rocking him to the core, his hand firmly around his neck, his grip tightening. Shepard clawed at his hand desperately trying to break free from his merciless hold. "_Let them in Shepard."_

"Fuck you" His answer was stifled by hand around his neck. The world was starting to go dark, shadows closing in around him.

_"So be it."_ He released his hand and Shepard thumped to the floor, trying to catch his breath. When he looked up, Saren was gone. He stood and rushed over to his vault, pulling out the pistol inside, and began searching the house.

What the hell was that? Where did that come from? Saren was dead. Dead! He had seen him shoot himself on the citadel, and he had killed him one more time for good measure. He couldn't be back. Not physically. This must have been a Reaper trick to get into his mind. They not only haunted his dreams, they were forcing themselves into his reality as well.

He saw headlights approaching the house and quickly stashed his pistol back into the vault before greeting Liara, and their now sleeping daughter.

"Hey you two" he started, trying to hide the anxiety he was feeling.

"Hi. Are you alright? You look drained." He wasn't fooling anyone apparently.

"Yeah I'm fine. " He reached out for Astraea and Liara transferred the sleeping Asari into his arms while she removed her jacket. "I was just lifting some weights. How was your day?"

"Exhausting. But fun. She was well behaved and everyone enjoyed seeing her." She approached and kissed Shepard. "I'm going to take a bath. Do you mind tucking her in?"

"It would be my pleasure." He said with a smile and watched Liara make her way to their washroom. He carried Astraea to her room, carefully changed her into some pajamas and lay her down in her crib. He softly stroked his head crest and kissed her forehead, saying a silent 'I love you' in the process. He left, closing the door, and tried to slow his heartbeat as he approached the washroom, peering into every dark room as he walked by.

She was stepping into the tub when he walked in, and he watched her in admiration as she sank into the hot water, letting relaxation wash over her. Feeling his gaze, she turned and looked at him, a soft smile on her face.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare?"

"No." He replied, returning her smile as walked over and sat on the ledge of the tub. "I'm going to sit here and stare."

She reached out and grabbed his hand when she noticed his eyes searching the room. "You could join me…"

He let out a quiet laugh, "No that's alright. You enjoy." He continued to look around the room, his breathing becoming a little shallower. "I just…I just want to be…close." He was trying hard to express the way he was feeling. Protective was the best word he could come up with, but he kept quiet about it for fear of making Liara nervous. He was nervous enough for both of them.

"Tell me what happened to the Reapers when I activated the catalyst." He asked her, looking for confirmation more than an answer.

She looked at him with a mixture of confusion and concern. "They…exploded. Like they were self-destructing. Nothing was left of them."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, Shepard. I saw it." She squeezed his hand a little tighter and sat up. "What is this about?"

He smiled. "Nothing. Just wondering I guess. Old memories, you know?" He leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips. "Now please continue with your bath. You are filthy, and you smell terrible, it looks like you might need an extra hand."

She threw a wet washcloth in his face. "I'm not sure whether I should be offended or flattered."

He reached for her leg and caressed it with the washcloth. "Maybe both."


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey all! I'm back from competing in the Army Ironman competition (52 km and 11 hours of pure hell), but I'm back for an update! This story is drawing to a close but I'll definitely continue with some one shots. I like the sappy fluffy stuff as much as anyone but this story took an interesting turn in my head and I had to explore it.**

**Please keep reading and reviewing. I appreciate any and all feedback. So hold on to your tomatoes...**

* * *

He couldn't be sure of how much time had passed since his head hit the pillow. Minutes. Hours. It didn't matter. He was in that special, particularly frustrating world located between sleeping and waking, where consciousness was a foggy reality resting in the back of his mind. He was nervous, but too tired to open his eyes to ease himself. He could feel Liara's body heat just inches from him, her steady breathing lightly brushing his face each time she exhaled. He listened intently to the dark room for anything out of the ordinary. There was nothing. Nothing but her breathing, and the loud thumping of his own heart.

The voices had been….disconcerting to say the least. Dreams were one thing, and in retrospect he probably should have sought therapy for them following his recovery. But he kept it locked away; convinced they would disappear on their own with enough time. "_Wrong about that one, weren't you"?_ He thought to himself. He let out a sigh of frustration when he glanced at the clock. It had been four full hours since he went to bed with Liara at his side. He would have to get up soon and make an appearance at his office, and start working on his assignment. This had to be it. This was the last time. All he wanted was to enjoy his life with Liara and Astraea in peace and happiness. That's all he had ever wanted. All he ever fought for. "_One last time" _he thought.

He rolled back over and observed the sleeping Asari beside him. She was so peaceful when she slept, and he had always been somewhat envious of her serenity. Before Ilos, before the Omega 4 relay, before Chronos station and the final push for Earth he had always lay awake, a thousand and one thoughts rushing through his mind while she was content in his arms, a slight smile on her face, resting in peaceful bliss. Even now, the Reapers destroyed, his family established, he couldn't sleep. There was always something. Something new to deal with. Something that would try, like always, to rip them apart.

He shifted closer to her and draped an arm around her waist, craving the feeling of her body and the comfort of just knowing she was there. He closed his eyes and tried to let sleep take over once more. He smiled a little when he felt a hand move up along his chest and settle at his heart, lightly resting there, absorbing the rhythm of its hard beat. Another arm wrapped around his torso as she drew herself closer, allowing their foreheads to touch. Her skin was silky and warm, comforting and familiar, yet foreign and exotic all at the same time. He loved it. They stayed there for a while, and he took solace in her touch and eased further into slumber.

Then everything was wrong. He felt a sudden, sharp, stabbing pain in his chest where Liara's hand once rested. He couldn't breath, and he couldn't open his eyes. He was frozen in pain and fear. It became more difficult to inhale and he fought hard to will his eyes open. When they finally did he was struck with a feeling of terror he'd never felt ever before. Sunken black eyes starred back at him, its skin grey and rough stretched around a hollowed jagged face. Sharp tendrils extended from its head and its mouth opened wide, exposing a wide set of teeth, the tendons of its jaw stretching violently, accentuated by the tension of its deathlike skin. He looked down at the source of the pain and saw its long, razor-sharp fingers plunged deep into his abdomen. He tried to take a breath and failed and looked up at the thing beside him as it let out a wail that chilled him to his core. It was terror personified; a sound that was felt as much as it was heard. It reverberated unspeakable horror, paralyzing inescapable fear in a deep primal, screeching scream. The moment had been an instant and he immediately jumped back, recoiling in fear with an intensity reserved for most combative situations. He flew back from the bed and landed with a crash on the floor, slamming against the closet just a few feet from the bed. Liara was sitting up, awoken by his loud cry of shock and panic, her brows furrowed with concern and confusion. He lifted up his sweat-covered shirt and searched his stomach for the puncture wounds that weren't there.

As abruptly as he flew from the bed, he got up and rushed towards their washroom, his knees buckling as he reached down and gripped the toilet, and vomited from the smell of death that still lingered in his nostrils. His breathing was ragged; tears stung the back of his eyes, and his head pounded. He stood and rinsed his mouth from the sink and sat down next to the tub. He huddled into himself and wrapped his hands around the back of his head, pulling his knees to his chest and sinking his head down.

Liara had already rushed over to him, kneeling in front of the terrified human. She reached for his shoulder and was surprised when he flinched at her touch. He was shaking uncontrollably. She grabbed him again, more forcefully, pulling his arms away from his head to look at his face. His eyes were red, and his hair matted with sweat, his eyes full of fear. She pulled herself closer and forced herself onto Shepard's lap, straddling his legs and holding him in a tight embrace, his head resting on her chest, his cold sweat making her shiver. He wrapped his arms around her in return and buried his face into her. His hold was strong and desperate as he tried to steady his breathing.

"It's alright, Shepard. I'm here. It was just a dream." She tried to sound as calm as possible.

She could feel hot tears on her skin as Shepard took another heaving breath and squeezed her tighter. "I don't want to lose you." His voice was muffled and strained.

"I'm not going anywhere." She reassured, "What did you see?"

He shook his head side to side in response.

"Tell me." She urged.

He leaned back against the tub and rubbed his eyes hard trying not to look at her. Her hands were still clutching firmly around his head.

"A banshee. You were a banshee. Your fingers…" He brought a hand to his abdomen as he felt a ghostly pain in the wounds that never were.

_Goddess._ She moved his hand from his face and starred deeply into his eyes with confident intensity. "It wasn't real, Shepard. It was just a dream."

He closed his eyes and thumped his head against the tub, "I could feel it. I could smell it." His voice barely a whisper as he came to the realization.

She stroked his hair back and caressed his scruffy cheek. "You're safe now. The war is over. There's nothing left for you to fight." She could feel the tears welling in her eyes as she tried to comfort her husband. It hurt to see him like this, so scared and defenseless.

He was beginning to calm down and she could feel him starting to relax in her hold. She touched her hand to his forehead. He felt hot and clammy and she stood and wet a cloth with cold water. When she turned around, Shepard had moved himself and was now laying in the dry bathtub, eyes starring blankly at the ceiling. She placed the cloth gently on his forehead, wiping away his sweat before letting it rest on his forehead.

"Feeling better?"

"A bit. I've got a headache." His voice was tired but calmer.

"Shepard," she started a little hesitantly, "I want you to go back to the doctor."

"They're dreams. There's nothing they can do." He replied, a little defeated.

"They're not just dreams. You're genuinely terrified." She paused "And you're starting to scare me."

He took the cloth from his head and held it in his hand as he looked at her. All he wanted was to protect her, to make her feel safe, and he was failing.

"You don't need to be scared. I'm fine."

"Shepard, promise me." She said sternly.

He could see the desperation and worry in her expression and it broke his heart. "Okay." He let his head fall and he could feel emotion rushing back to him all at once. Liara stroked his back in a gesture of comfort and it made him feel slightly better.

She tugged at his shirt and he lifted his arms allowing her to pull the sweaty garment over his head. "What are you doing?" He felt like a child.

"You're burning up. Take those off." She gestured at his shorts. He paused for a second and complied and tossed his boxers over the ledge of the tub. She began to run the water, searching for the right temperature and settled for luke warm. The coolness of the water was slightly uncomfortable but he submitted. As the tub filled and he sank further into the water he felt Liara gently stroking his head with the cool cloth, washing away the sweat and cooling his head. She handed him some painkillers for his headache and he took them willingly and without protest.

She continued to stroke his head and he grabbed her wrist softly, "I don't like you seeing me like this."

She pulled away and continued. "Like what?" She knew the answer.

"Weak."

"Human?" She dropped the cloth into the tub and held his face in her hands. "This is not weakness, Shepard."

"Well it isn't strength."

"You don't always have to be the hero, you know. Maybe it's time you let someone save you for a change." She gave him a faint smile.

"You've already done that. More than you know."

"Then I know what I'm doing then, don't I." She gave him a soft kiss and stood to get him a towel, placing on the sink countertop. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting." She disappeared into the darkness as she made her way back to their bedroom.

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

"Please, Admiral, have a seat."

He was staring at a the multiple degrees and qualifications that proudly hung from the walls in the office. _Presented to Doctor Dara Agathe for outstanding achievement in the field of Xenobiology._ The Asari doctor was the head physician for aliens on the base and it was clear she had used her substantial life span to become an expert in all things that related to alien physiology. He sat down and started unconsciously pulling at his fingers.

She got right to the point, "Your tests showed a significant amount of abnormal beta waves, but not enough for immediate concern. And there is definitely an increase in your rapid eye movement when you sleep, indicative of intense dreaming. But physically you're as healthy as any human should be, if not more so."

"So then what's the problem?"

"Stress is often a psychological issue. I believe what you are experiencing is post onset post traumatic stress disorder. It's not surprising in your line of work, Admiral. PTSD is quite common for those who have experienced open conflict."

"So the problem is in my mind then? Great."

The doctor smiled, "It can be treated with a mixture of medication and therapy. I'm not a fan of doling out pills, however, so I'm going to refer you to a colleague of mine. Doctor Alex Schulman. She's our resident human psychologist."

"A shrink?" He didn't hide his dissatisfaction.

"It is the best way to deal with such things." She stated, handing him the paper with Dr. Schulman's contact information. "I suggest you make an appointment and she will assess you."

He took the paper reluctantly and heaved a sigh as he shoved it in his pocket. "Is there anything else?"

"There is no shame in this, Admiral." She responded, sensing his thoughts. "It's more common than you think, and very treatable. But it can get worse if it is not dealt with."

"I understand." He rose from his chair and extended his hand to shake the doctor's. "Thanks doc."

He left the office and made his way home, looking at the time. He had a meeting to get to.

* * *

"This is….interesting." Logan thumbed through the datapad, the lantern casting a large shadow under the trees.

"It's what happened. I don't know anything else. This has to be it." Shepard leaned against the tree, his head tilted slightly downward as he pressed his authority.

"This 'child' you spoke to on the citadel. You believe it was a Reaper?"

"Yes." Shepard responded quickly, "It was forcing me to make a choice it wanted me to make. I chose a different one. What happened after that, I don't remember."

Logan turned and placed the data pad in his briefcase, pausing for a moment before facing Shepard, a quizzical stare on his face. "I'm more interested in why it manifested itself in the form of a child. A child only you've seen."

"You a psychiatrist now?" The question was loaded with sarcasm.

"I am a highly trained ASIS agent, Admiral. I know a thing or two about psychology. It comes in handy from time to time." He took a few steps to the side, and one closer to Shepard. "I had an interesting read come across my desk today. A medical report."

"How could you have gotten that?"

He shrugged his shoulders and continued. "How long have you been having these dreams, Shepard?"

"I thought we were discussing Reapers." His defense was starting to come up and he felt his muscles tense.

"We are. Don't tell me you haven't put this together. The child you saw before the attack, the child you saw in your dreams for months, the child you spoke to and destroyed on the citadel. The one you believe was a Reaper..." He studied Shepard for a moment before continuing. "And you're still seeing him, aren't you?"

Shepard could feel rage consuming his body as he clenched his fists, and his knuckles turned white. The thought had been in the back of his mind somewhere, for a long time. But he refused to acknowledge it.

"They're dreams. If you had read the report you'd see it was diagnosed as…"

"PTSD, I know." Logan interrupted, taking a step closer to Shepard. "But you know as well as I do, that can't explain everything."

"Why not?"

"They consume you. Your every thought. I can see it in your eyes. You're so obsessive you haven't noticed that they're breaking through. These voices, these ghostly presences you keep seeing, feeling. They're all related to one thing."

Shepard took a step closer to Logan and growled, "Say it. I dare you."

"Indoctrination."

Shepard moved in with speed and violence as he grabbed Logan and slammed him against a tree, his forearm pressed tightly against his throat.

"Fuck you!" He spat. He rarely cursed but couldn't hold back his animalistic rage as he pushed harder against Logan's wind pipe.

He was calmer than he should have been, and grasped hard at Shepard's strong arm. "A Reaper's suggestions can manipulate victims into betraying friends, trusting enemies, or viewing the Reaper itself with superstitious awe. Should a Reaper subvert a well-placed political or military leader, the resulting chaos can bring down nations." He was quoting the codex with military precision as loud and fast as he could, trying to get the words out through his compressed throat.

Shepard released him and Logan fell to the ground with a thud.

"You know I'm right." Logan said quietly, rising to his feet.

"No I don't!" Shepard shouted back. "I'm done with this. With all of this!" He yelled as he started to turn to walk away.

He heard a click and stopped in his tracks. "I can't let you leave."

Shepard slowly turned to see Logan holding the gun steady in his outstretched arm. As he slowly walked toward him, Logan's uncaring, professional expression never changed.

"You can try." Shepard snarled, pressing the gun hard against his forehead.

"All I want is to take you in. But I will kill you if I need to."

"Like I said," Shepard grabbed the gun with his hand and held it to his own head, "You can try."

In an instant he twisted Logan's hand in an attempt to free the weapon, and spun around so his back was now to the ASIS agent, firmly holding his arm. He heard the gun fire and quickly threw his head back and felt it meet Logan's face, bursting his nose.

The gun fell to the ground and Shepard used advantage to turn and shoot at Logan's legs, tackling him to the ground. Logan wrapped his legs around Shepard's waist and clinched his arm around Shepard's neck with all his strength, using his free arm to pound into his abdomen. Shepard could feel the sharp belts of pain in his side as Logan held him there. Acting on pure fury, Shepard forced himself up off the ground, and slammed Logan back down with as much force as he could muster.

It was enough to break Logan's hold for a split second, and Shepard quickly mounted him and began raining punches down on Logan's bloodied face. He couldn't contain his rage and let out a fierce grunt with each punch he landed. He was forced to stop when Logan threw a handful of sand in his eyes and he stood, taking a few cautious steps back as he tried to correct his temporary blindness. His eye sight adjusted in time to see Logan reaching for the gun, and he promptly ran and kicked it away. Logan let out a frustrated cry of anger as he swung his right arm at Shepard, meeting his cheek with sudden ferocity. Another blow to his stomach caused Shepard to bend over and drop to his knees. Before he could manage a block, Logan's knee met Shepard's face and he sprawled out on the ground, trying to catch his breath. His efforts were in vain as Logan mounted him and clinched his hands tightly around his throat. Shepard looked up at Logan and saw the storm raging in his eyes. His blood dripped off his face and onto Shepard's as he clinched his teeth and squeezed even harder. Shepard was losing consciousness as he searched the area with his hands, eventually landing on a stone. With severe power he brought the stone to Logan's temple, knocking him off and allowing Shepard to regain his footing.

Without a second thought he began to smash the stone against Logan's head, listening the bones crush underneath his force. Finally, Logan stopped moving and Shepard rose to his feet, bloodied, battered, and panting. He dropped the stone and without thinking started to run. Run home.


	16. Chapter 16

**There will be an epilogue and one shots to follow.**

* * *

He burst through the kitchen doors covered in dirt, blood, and soaked from the rain that had started to fall moments earlier. He quickly closed and locked them behind him and hurried to his study, passing Liara on the way. She immediately stood at the sight of him, but he didn't hear her calling his name as he reached for the gun locked away in his safe.

"Shepard!"

He turned and saw Liara standing in the doorway, panic in her eyes at the horrid sight of his battered face.

"Where is Astraea?" He asked as calmly as possible while he checked to see if his gun was loaded. He grabbed a few extra thermal clips and shoved them into his pocket.

"Shepard, what happened to you?" She was almost shouting at him as he walked past her and started back towards the kitchen. The rain was coming down hard now.

"Where is Astraea?" He asked again, more forcefully this time.

She stood behind him, not knowing exactly what to do. "She's with my father." She finally answered.

"Good." He said abruptly. "You need to get out of here. Now." She hadn't seen that particular look or heard that tone in a long time. The last time he looked at her this way he was making his final run to Harbinger.

"Why?! What's going on?" She couldn't hide the extreme anxiety in her voice.

He took a deep breath and peered through the door windows before turning back towards her. "I did something. Something bad. And they're going to come for me. You need to get out of here."

Her expression changed from one of worry to fear and bewilderment. "Shepard what is going on?!" She was yelling at him now, out of fear not anger.

"There's no time Liara!" He yelled back. "Go!"

"Too late."

The third voice took him by complete surprise as he looked up. Logan was standing there in the hall, gun pointed at his head, a few meters away. _The bedroom doors. I didn't lock the god damn bedroom doors._ The wound on Logan's head was bleeding profusely, but he seemed no worse for wear as he stepped a little closer to Shepard, who raised his gun in return. Liara had a look of complete terror as she stepped back between them, occasionally glancing toward Logan and then back at Shepard. Her hand raised covering her mouth.

"Take one more step and I'll blow your god damn head off! For good this time." Shepard barked.

Liara was crying now.

"We'll do this the hard way then." Logan said with a smirk, blood trickling down from the open wound above his left eye. He shifted his aim to Liara and Shepard tensed. "There's only one way this can end now, Shepard."

"Don't…" Shepard pleaded.

"Then admit to yourself they've gotten to you! You're so blind you have no idea they're controlling you! Fight it! You can save her. You know what needs to be done."

He knew what Logan meant. It had been the way each high-powered indoctrinated being had met his end. Shepard had been there each time. Now he was on the other side. Tears stung the back of his eyes and he could faintly hear Liara yelling his name. He took the gun away from Logan and slowly raised it to his temple.

"I can fight it." He whispered.

"Shepard what are you doing?!" Liara bawled and she took a step closer to him causing him to sharply step back when he saw Logan's grip around the gun tighten, threatening Liara.

"Liara stop!" He yelled, fearful that any sudden movements on her part would cause Logan to pull the trigger on her. He saw her biotics flaring around her hands in preparation. "Don't please. It's the only way. He won't let me go." Stray tears were falling from his face.

"Who!?" her voice cracked sharply. She ignored the gun pointed at her head.

"I'm indoctrinated." He let out a breath as he choked back the tears at the realization. "Are you happy now?!" He screamed at Logan.

"Shepard." Liara said between sobs, "Please put the gun down."

"I can't" His voice was strained and painful to hear, full of defeat. "I'm only going to hurt you. It has to end!"

"You are not indoctrinated! The Reapers are gone! It's over!" She shouted back.

Logan took a step towards Liara and Shepard tensed his grip, looking back and forth between them both.

"Don't lose your nerve now soldier." Logan coaxed. "You're almost there."

"Shepard, I know you. Inside and out! Don't you think I would have noticed something like indoctrination?" Liara was trying to reason with him, talk him down.

"Not necessarily." Logan stated calmly.

"Liara. I love you. I always have. I always will." Tears were streaming uncontrollably down his face as he looked at her.

"Shepard don't do this!" She wailed.

He looked at Logan, his eyes pleading "How do I know once this is done you'll leave them alone?"

"I only came here for you." He replied as he stepped closer to Liara, but she never took her eyes off Shepard.

"Whatever you're seeing, Shepard…" she whispered, "It's not real."

He looked at her and back at Logan. "Hear that Shepard? She thinks you're crazy."

"Put the gun down, Shepard." She said once more.

Logan stepped directly next to Liara. "You put that gun down and I will put a bullet through her fucking head! I only want you!"

"You're not real…" It was more of a question than a statement.

"Find out how real I am!" he shouted back. Liara never took her eyes off him and he watched the tears fall from her face onto the floor. The sound of the rain hitting the windows overshadowed his heavy breathing.

Liara took another step closer to him, "John." She rarely used his first name. In fact the only other time she had said it they were getting married. "Trust me."

He took another step back as she approached and she stopped. "I want to," he replied weakly.

"Then just trust me." She pleaded. "Put the gun down."

"I love you." He said once more and closed his eyes.

He dropped the gun to the floor, fully expecting to hear a shot ring throughout the house. Instead he heard nothing but his body hitting the floor. Liara rushed to his side and kicked the gun as far away as she could, and held him in her arms. He looked up and Logan was gone. Like he never was. He grabbed at Liara and buried his face in her chest as he let a decade of pent up emotion spill out. She forced herself onto his lap and squeezed him tightly, desperately, lovingly. She was quiet as he cried and clutched her, her tears falling in silence instead. His sobs caused his body to shake but she was at a complete loss for words. She didn't know what to do to comfort him.

"I need help." His plea muffled by her chest and shaking with emotion. "I don't know what's real anymore." He continued to shake.

She pulled back and held his face in her hands so she could look into his eyes, now red and welling with fresh tears.

"You want to know what's real?" She took his hand and put it to her chest and pressed it down so he could feel her heartbeat. "This is real." She whispered, touching her forehead to his. She took his lips in her own with a gentle kiss. "That is real." She smiled at him.

He exhaled slowly and looked down at her shirt, now stained with a mixture of his blood and tears. "I ruined your shirt." He said with a weak laugh.

He laughed back through her tears in return, "It's okay" she replied. "I never liked this shirt anyway."

He wrapped his arms around her tighter and sank his head into the crook of her neck, holding her there. "I love you." She whispered into his ear. "And I'm never letting you go." She ran her hands through his wet hair.

Shepard only held her tighter in return as the storm continued to rage outside. For now, they were safe in each other's arms.

* * *

He sat on the stretcher, elbows on his knees and he stared at the floor, waiting for the doctor to come back. Liara had let him change out of his soiled clothes before driving him to the hospital. It had taken no argument to get him into the sky car and he submitted willingly. He smiled faintly as she reached her hand out for his, and she stroked his knuckles with her thumb.

It was official. He'd lost his mind. He'd hallucinated it all. Logan, the renewed Reaper threat, the fight that had taken place between them; that had been even harder to explain but he determined he must have actually been hurting himself. And then he held a gun to his head, ready to end it all on the word of a figment of his imagination. That had been the most troubling realization. His own mind had convinced him to hurt himself. What if he had hurt Liara…or Astraea. He squeezed his eyes shut as he choked his feelings back and Liara held his hand tighter in response. Before his thoughts could wander any further Dr. Agathe walked through the room, and promptly closed the curtains around them. He looked up at her and waited for her to speak.

"You should have told me about these hallucinations, Admiral. It would have made diagnosing you much easier, and we could have prevented this earlier."

"I didn't know he wasn't real." He replied dejectedly. "Saren, I knew. The boy, I knew. But Logan. He seemed so real. I touched him."

"She leaned against the wall and placed the chart on the table. "I'm afraid your PTSD is far more severe than I originally believed." She stated, "Bordering on paranoid schizophrenia."

"Schizophrenia?" He said in disbelief.

"In most cases this is a life-long disease," she continued, "however in your case, I believe it's purely a result of environmental causes. You've had a traumatic life, Admiral. It's not surprising that your experiences would manifest in such away when left untreated. But it's also degenerative. Without treatment, you'll only get worse."

He was still struggling with the word schizophrenia. He was truly crazy. He was unsafe. A lost cause. He couldn't even look at Liara. "So what now."

"Well, we have several options. I'd like to start you on a combination of medication and therapy and go from there. There is also psychotherapy, and possibly hospitalization if either of you feels that is the better option. You're in a fragile state right now, Admiral Shepard."

"But I'll be this way forever?"

"It's possible. But it's also likely this is a result of untreated post traumatic stress. It's treatable."

"But not curable."

"Shepard…" Liara interjected.

"No." He snapped back. "This is a problem. A problem with no solution. But that's what I do best. I solve problems."

"This isn't a battle you can strategize, Admiral. You can't reason yourself out of this."

"Why not?! Why can't I!?" His sudden outburst startled Liara.

"Because your mind is where the problem is, Shepard." Dr. Agathe replied, a stoic look on her face.

"I can do this." He replied. Looking at Liara with determination and ferocity, "I can work it out." His eyes were begging her. "I just need time."

"Without treatment, the fantasies may take over…entirely." The doctor replied quietly.

He looked towards Liara again, and locked himself in her gaze. She was pleading silently. He sighed and dropped his eyes to the floor. "Therapy then. But I'm not going on any meds. You said yourself I was physically fine."

"Why don't I leave you two to discuss your options." She drew the curtains and stepped out, leaving them in silence.

Liara stood and walked over to him, and removed his hand from his eyes. "I can't go back to a hospital, Liara. I won't come home." She stroked his hair reassuringly and he continued. "I will try to figure this out." He let out a deep breath and looked away from her, starring again at the floor. "But whatever you do…you shouldn't be here." His voice cracked, "I'm not safe anymore."

She furrowed her brows and brought his eyes back to her own. "I'm not leaving you."

His head felt heavy and his eyes felt hot. "I don't want to hurt you."

"When you died on the Normandy, I fell into an endless nightmare of self-pity and an endless pursuit of meaningless revenge. And when you came back, I pushed you away again and again because I was scared. I was terrified to lose you. I was terrified to go through all that again. But you stayed. You kept pushing and pushing, defiantly, unwilling to let me fall and spiral into self-destruction. You saved me from the dark place I had found myself in. And we fought together, side by side, in either body or spirit or both, against a universe determined to tear us apart. And we'll do it again. Because I'm not giving up."

"Okay." He said quietly.

"Tell me that you love me." She said quickly. "Tell me that you love me now."

"I love you now." He replied. "I love you always." He pressed his cheek against hers and whispered into her ear. "And Liara?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for loving me." She held him close and he felt her hot tears on his face before he gave her a frail smile and grabbed her waist and pulled her a little closer. "You're pretty good at giving pep talks. You sure you're not a military woman?"

She ran her fingers through his hair and let out a faint laugh. "I learned from the best." She pulled him into a tight embrace and felt his hands rubbing her back as he rested in the crook of her neck. She pulled away to place a passionate kiss on his lips and smiled at him. "Therapy?" She asked sweetly.

"Therapy." He answered.

"And medication?"

"And medication if my therapist so decides." He said in response, his smile getting a little wider.

"Deal."

She pulled him in for a deep kiss and found nothing but love and comfort in his embrace. He was happy there, in her arms, his lips exploring hers. At that very moment in time, there was no place he would rather have been.


	17. Chapter 17

**EPILOGUE**

**One shots will happen. Any requests?**

* * *

"No, you gotta do it like this." Shepard grabbed several _uva passa_, a Thessian dried fruit similar to raisins only bright blue and a little sweeter, licked them and stuck them to his face. The little Asari across from him gave a full-toothed grin and laughed at her father.

"Me!" She said excitedly. Her first words had come only a few days ago and she was speaking more and more each day, even forming full coherent sentences. Being nearly 3 years old, Shepard and Liara had begun to worry, however it was becoming evident that she preferred to quietly cultivate and observe before displaying any newly acquired skill. A trait she had been given from her mother and he was happy she had inherited her intelligence from Liara. They had both been completely awe struck when, while sitting down to dinner, Astraea had asked if she could have some more food. Liara actually dropped her glass, and Shepard nearly choked on his drink. She had gone from zero to speaking in an instant.

He licked two more and stuck one on her forehead, and the other on her nose. She giggled and took some more but decided to eat them instead.

"You look silly, daddy!" She said with a smile on her face, laughter in her words.

He leaned in closer, "And you look delicious!" He started to eat the _uva passa_ from Astraea's face while making hungry eating sounds and she laughed hysterically.

"Your beard tickles!" She laughed as he pulled back and ate the fruit off his own face.

He gave her a smile in return before his expression changed to one of seriousness. "Uh oh." He said, "I think I ate your nose."

She quickly touched her hand to her nose and her smile grew wider. "No you didn't!"

"How do you know?"

"Because I can feel it!"

"How did you get so smart?" He asked.

"Mommy." She replied in an instant.

He threw his head back and laughed, astonished at her answer. "Mommy may be smart but can she do this?" He threw an _uva passa_ in the air and caught it in his mouth. Astraea immediately attempted to mimic his actions.

"I have two children." Liara's calming voice came from the kitchen as she approached the table where the two were sitting. She kissed Astraea on her head before placing her breakfast in front of her. "Promise to eat this and not throw it?"

"Yes." The answer was to Liara's liking so she handed her daughter her spoon before turning to Shepard. She placed two small pills in front of him, kissed his forehead, stoked his hair back and walked back to the kitchen to continue preparing their own meals.

"What are those, daddy?" The Asari inquired.

He took the pills in his hand and swallowed them with a gulp of water before looking to his daughter, "They're daddy's crazy pills." He said with a smile and he saw Liara's head whip around. "Because mommy drives him crazy!" He threw his arms up and laughed and Astraea did the same.

Liara frowned and shook her head as she continued to slice some fruit.

Shepard's expression once again became serious. "Uh oh." He leaned in close to Astraea, "I think I made her mad. Do you think I should make her happy again?"

"Yeah!" Astraea replied, a big smile on her face. Liara had noticed that Astraea actually changed her speech patterns based on which of her parents she was conversing with, being more grammatically correct and proper when conversing with Liara, and using more human expressions with Shepard. Liara had called it 'fascinating' and Shepard had joked about not allowing her to dissect their daughter for study.

He smiled and walked over to where Liara was preparing their breakfast, sliding his hands around her waist and resting his unshaven chin on her shoulder. Liara was trying to stifle her smile as Shepard began to sway side to side.

He looked to Astraea who was observing her parents, "How can I cheer her up?" He asked.

Astraea paused in thought for a second before replying, "Tickle her!"

Before Liara could react, Shepard tightly held her body to his own with his left arm and began to tickle her with his right. He roughly buried his scruffy face in her neck knowing the prickly feeling of his beard against Liara's soft, smooth, silk-like skin was enough to elicit uncontrollable laughter. During the war, he'd never heard her laugh, not really. Now the sound of her happiness escaping was music to his ears, and he couldn't get enough.

She was doubled over and he could hear Astraea laughing watching her parents carry-on. "Shepard!" Liara shouted through her laughter, "I have a knife!"

He released her from his hold but he failed to wipe the grin off his face as Liara returned to her preparations, wiping the tears that had formed from her amusement with the back of her hand.

"Didn't work." He said to Astraea. "What's plan B?"

Astraea smiled and kicked her legs in her seat. "Kiss her!"

Liara couldn't stifle her smile any longer as Shepard moved into his original position, pulling himself close behind her. He pressed his cheek to hers and said softly, but loud enough for Astraea to hear, "What do you think? Would that make you happy?"

Liara placed the knife in her hand on the cutting board and slid her hands around his, "Perhaps." She replied and she turned in his arms. The met with a loving kiss and they both smiled at the sound of Astraea clapping. He reached around Liara and grabbed a piece of fruit. He smirked at her as he ate it and strode back to the table, lifting Astraea out of her highchair.

He placed her on the floor and knelt to her level. "Why don't you go play for a bit while mommy and daddy eat." He said.

"And then later we can build a model?" She asked. He smiled and nodded. "And then go to the park!" It was more of a plan than a question.

He chuckled and smiled at her, "We'll see." He replied, and sent her off to her playroom with a pat on her rear. He took his seat just as Liara was sitting down, their breakfast in hand. They picked at the assortment of chopped fruit, starring at one another in silence, having an unspoken conversation.

"How are you feeling today?" She asked as she reached for his hand.

"Pretty good actually. Doc says the meds are working. She wants to start weaning me off them in the next few weeks. See how that goes." He smiled. "She actually suggested I start writing down my experiences. Might flush some stuff out."

"I think that's a wonderful idea." She replied. "Like a memoire."

He laughed and ate another piece of fruit, "I don't know about that. Not much of a writer."

"Perhaps I could help." She said genuinely.

His eyes lit up at some sudden realization as he grabbed a datapad out of his briefcase. "Actually there was something I wanted your opinion on before I submit it." He handed Liara the datapad and watched her expression, trying to gauge her reaction.

"This…" She started, "This is your resignation to Admiral Hackett."

He gave her a faint smile, "They offered to let me keep my position despite my medical file, but I think this is for the best." He squeezed her hand.

She placed the datapad down on the table and looked into his gaze, he was searching for approval. "If this is what you want. I don't want you doing this for me."

"It's what I want." He replied quickly. "You and Astraea are all I've ever wanted." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles softly. "And I've always dreamed of retiring young." He pulled her onto his lap and she kissed him sweetly, his beard rustled against her face as they opened their mouths, letting their tongues explores familiar territory. She pulled back and smiled.

"I suppose it's just as well. They would never let you return to work looking like this." She stroked his unshaven face.

"Yeah it needs a trim. I'm starting to look like a lumberjack." He chuckled.

She brought her lips to his once more before moving to his neck and smiled when she felt him shiver. "It can wait one more night." She purred.

* * *

**And that's her! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope you enjoyed.**


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